The Burn Cookbook

WARNING: It will get hot and you will get dirty, but it will all be worth it. You’ll impress new friends, maybe even score a BF or GF, and—most importantly—save some cash by eating and getting drunk at home, all with the new skills you’re about to learn.

I like to think of the kitchen and its contents as similar to a good old-fashioned Caboodle. (Remember Caboodles? Those super-cute, everyone-had-to-have plastic makeup cases? The ones where you kept all your important beauty sh*t along with other top secret stuff? Google it.) Well, just like with the Caboodle, if the kitchen isn’t well stocked with the right tools and essentials the end result isn’t gonna be pretty. And all of us mean girls just want it to be pretty, right? So here’s a basic list for the basic chef’s Kitchen Caboodle:

APRON: Your food is only as good as you look. If I’m looking and feeling super- awesome, my PMA (positive mental attitude) is through the roof and just permeates everything I make and do. So don’t be a fugly, grumpy chef. Be a hot and sassy one, full of confidence, rainbows, and smiles. (If you can’t do this naturally, start drinking wine before you preheat your oven and that should help with your PMA.) I always have a few aprons at the ready so I can look and feel like I know what I’m doing and avoid getting marinara sauce all over my new skinny jeans.

SALT: It’s fundamental. It’s even elemental. (But you probably skipped Chem 101, didn’t you?) There are many types you can use while cooking, I like to have my kitchen stocked with traditional sea salt or fleur de sel, and pink Himalayan salt. The sea salt has a lovely and gentle taste that is great for finishing grilled meats and most dishes. The pink stuff, well for one it’s F-ing pink, so there’s that. And nutritionally, it’s better than the regular stuff so why not go for it? Did I mention that it’s pink?

KNIVES: Get a good one. Go now. We’ll wait. FACT: You are far less likely to cut your damn acrylics off with a sharp knife than a dull one. I know sharp = scary, but a dull knife can slip and drag and do way more damage to your digits and food as you use it. You don’t need that many either. A small serrated knife is essential for things like bread and tomatoes and a heavy duty 7-inch chef’s knife is perfect for heavy duty work like chopping. Add a laser sharp paring knife and you’re good to go.

NONSTICK PAN: This pan will save your life. Get one that is “green” or nontoxic. You can find these for sale at your local Bed Bath & Beyond. (Use a coupon!) I love my GreenPan cookware and in fact I have a couple of pans in different sizes. Your fried eggs will magically slip off, pancakes will never stick, and even fish will crisp but not leave scales.

CAST IRON PAN This is must-have kitchen item. Get one that is pre-seasoned—I personally love the Lodge brand and use it for everything. A super-hot cast iron pan will give your meat the sexiest, most even char, and leave the perfect golden crust on a fillet of fish. You have to care for your cast iron like you would a pair of Gucci pumps, but the results are always worth it. Cast iron pans are especially good for when you want that grilled flavor and char but it’s too cold outside to actually stand at a grill. Or, better yet, you can use your cast iron on the grill to do veggies while your shrimp is cooking. So versatile. It even subs as a weapon against intruders or pervy creepy Tinder dates—one smack on the head and lights out, a-hole!

MEASURING CUPS AND SPOONS: I mean, how else will you measure stuff? Get a set and put them in a handy drawer because you will be using them often. Look for a tempered glass measuring cup for liquids and a set of regular cups and spoons for measuring dry ingredients.

RIMMED BAKING SHEETS: Grab a few different kinds, you won’t regret it. Invest in two full-size, two half-size, and a couple more quarter-size ones. You can multitask with these babies: from baking cookies, roasting veggies, and blistering tomatoes to melting cheese on bread. Just don’t get flat baking sheets. Don’t even bother. The rims on rimmed baking sheets prevent spillage and make you look like a pro. Less spillage = less mess on cute outfit. Got it?

OTHER MUST-HAVE TOOLS: A can opener, a veggie peeler, a wine bottle opener, a couple of durable spatulas, wooden spoons, a candy thermometer and a meat thermometer, a whisk, a microplane, a mandoline, and two sets of metal tongs (a long one for grilling, preferably with rubber handles, and a shorter one for pan frying).

APPLIANCES: There are so many gadgets and electronics out there, I promise you don’t need them all. Half of what you see in the store is just random counter clutter. Find basic multitaskers that actually get the job done. (Also, stay away from 99 percent of the “As Seen on TV” kitchen things, too.) What you actually need:

In addition to the gear, you’re going to need some pantry basics to take your cooking game to the next level.

EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL: Puh-lease get a good one. It’s worth the extra few dollars since this is going into basically everything. Avoid the crappy and cheap basic grocery brands. Most of the cheapy stuff is blended—not even really olive oil—and can be highly rancid if it’s been on the shelf too long. Look for something that is cold pressed, organic, and has a peppery finish. The more an olive oil tickles your throat when you taste it, the higher the plyphenol content is, which is a good thing. It all equals antioxidants and free radical healthy stuff. Trust.

NEUTRAL OIL: Don’t waste that high-class olive oil! If you’re making dressings or frying stuff, go neutral. Some recipes here call for canola; it’s not my favorite oil, but it is practically flavorless and it’s easy to find. I also like having coconut and avocado oils on deck because they are loaded with good-for-you fats.

NONSTICK COOKING SPRAY: Ladies, this is like the primer to your foundation! So many recipes will call for this: Add it to your next shopping trip. If you’re new to cooking it’s especially important to err on the side of caution and use that spray like a can of Aqua Net. Don’t ruin a dish by having half of it stuck to the bottom of your pan. Nonstick spray works wonders and there are some great healthier options like coconut oil spray and olive oil spray.

FLOUR: All-purpose flour will cover you for most of the recipes in this book. If gluten isn’t your friend, there are a ton of gluten-free all-purpose flours that can be subbed in almost any recipe. Even though I am okay to eat gluten, I often sub gluten-free and it makes my treats like breads and muffins feel less sinful. Your call.

SPICE RACK: Your rack will take you places, I promise. Personally, I like to flavor my food with fresh herbs as often as I can, but there are a few must-have dried spices that every Plastic needs to kick up their dishes. Think: flavor flavor flavor. The most common complaint about food is that it’s underseasoned. Don’t be shy, spice it up! Here are my favs: cumin, chili powder, garlic powder, bay leaves, oregano, red pepper flakes, herbs de Provence, smoked paprika, dried thyme, turmeric, and cinnamon.

Now that you’ve outfitted your space and gotten your essentials in order… PLEASE remember:

SAFETY FIRST. Go get a fire extinguisher, read the instructions, and have it nearby just in case. Also have a first aid kit in your house: the smallest cuts bleed the most. If you do cut yourself, a BandAid covered with a non-latex glove is the easiest way to ensure sanitary food. One time I microplaned my middle finger while I was filming the show Chopped and I almost got chopped. Nobody wants a finger in their salad.

All right friends, now that we have become better acquainted with our kitchens and, hopefully, have stocked them up with the good stuff, let’s get cooking! Remember, practice makes perfect; don’t get discouraged. Invite your army of skanks over often to try out new dishes. Make it fun. Just remember, there will be fires, blackened steaks, burnt cookies, and spilled milk, but as the old adage goes… never cry over spilled milk. However, you can cry over fried extensions or getting red wine on your new white Coachella jumpsuit—just not over milk.

Have fun, and remember the people who love to eat are always the best people.

CHEERS!

—Chef Nikki