What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?

The Answers to Life’s Everyday Question (in 50 F*@#ing Recipes)


By Zach Golden

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$22.00 CAD



  1. Hardcover $16.00 $22.00 CAD
  2. ebook $10.99 $13.99 CAD

This item is a preorder. Your payment method will be charged immediately, and the product is expected to ship on or around September 27, 2011. This date is subject to change due to shipping delays beyond our control.

If dinnertime has you cursing up a storm, this cookbook of 50 profane and delicious dishes will get you off your indecisive a** and into the f*@#ing kitchen!

Derived from the incredibly popular (and totally addictive) website, WhatTheFuckShouldIMakeForDinner.com, this “choose your own adventure” style cookbook provides quick and easy solutions for the nightly conundrum. Every page is a new (and easy) meal, with enough pizzazz to keep you interested. Don’t like the recipe? Simply choose another page for a new f*@#ing idea! Making choices is hard, so let this book do it for you with 50 solid meal ideas-and a side of salty language-for meat-eaters and vegetarians alike, such as:
    • Scallop Ceviche
    • Grilled Skirt Steak with Chimichurri
    • Red Flannel Hash
    • Vegetarian Cassoulet

    Never hem and haw over what to make for dinner again! What the F*@# Should I Make For Dinner? is the perfect gift for anyone who loves food, and will become your go-to guide to save you from headache, hunger, and your own wishy-washy self.


    To Sara, Oscar, and Dick Wolf

    Everyone needs to eat. I once heard of a man who baffled scientists with his reputed ability to forego eating for years on end, and well, that man is dead. And I can't imagine a less fun party guest. Some people say it's a drag to have to feed yourself, but plain and simple, those people are douchebags. But you, lover of all things gastronomic, you are a special breed. You possess the innate knowledge that feeding yourself, in addition to being a necessary activity, can be a hell of a lot of fun. But there is a dark side to being so wholly knowledgeable and handsome: choice. Choice, yes fucking choice: it's the cold bitch that stands between you and food coma. When I created the What the Fuck Should I Make for Dinner website (www.whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com), it was not out of benevolence. No sir or madam: it was out of malice for choice (did I mention choice is a bitch?), who, on many occasions has left me crying, shaking uncomfortably in the corner of my apartment, hungry and confused. And so, with this book, like the website, I hope that I can silence the voices in your head, even if only for a night, and tell your indecisive ass what the fuck to make for dinner.

    Lessen vegetables' meat envy with some fucking
    Kale with Bacon
    6 bacon slices, coarsely
    2 shallots, finely chopped
    2 garlic cloves, minced
    2 bunches kale, torn into
    1-inch pieces
    2 cups chicken stock
    2 teaspoons mustard seed
    Cook the bacon perfectly in a sauté pan over medium heat. Do not fuck this up, or you will ruin the best part of the dish. Remember, without bacon this is just kale, and "just kale" can suck. When it's perfect, transfer the bacon to some paper towels, and let it hang out while the adults are talking. Don't you dare even think about draining the fat from the pan.
    Add the shallots and garlic to the pan and sauté until tender, about 2 minutes. Add the kale, stock, and mustard seed, cook that shit for about 10 minutes, then lie to your kids about vegetables being not awful without the addition of meat.
    Don't fucking like that? . . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 10.
    Don't fucking eat meat? . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 90.

    Honor the mighty pig god with some fucking
    Prosciutto and Melon with Balsamic Glaze
    ½ cup balsamic vinegar
    ¼ cup dark brown sugar,
    1 cantaloupe
    2 tablespoons fresh mint
    6 ounces prosciutto
    Salt and pepper
    Fucking buongiorno, epic pork and fruit dish. In a saucepan over high heat, bring the vinegar and sugar to a boil, then simmer until it's syrupy as fuck. Cut big cubes from the cantaloupe and chiffonade the mint.
    Arrange the cantaloupe on a plate, place a halo of precious pig meat product on there, and sprinkle the mint on top. Season that shit with salt and pepper, then spoon on the balsamic glaze.
    Don't fucking like that? . . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 48.
    Don't fucking eat meat? . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 18.

    It's not cute when kids say "pasghetti," so teach them to say, make, and eat some fucking
    Bucatini with Tomato, Mozzarella, and Basil
    1½ pounds plum tomatoes
    8 ounces fresh mozzarella
    4 cloves garlic
    ½ cup fresh basil
    3 tablespoons extra-virgin
    olive oil
    Salt and pepper
    12 ounces bucatini
    Dice the tomatoes and mozzarella and throw that shit in a bowl. Mince the garlic and tear the basil, and add them to the mix with the olive oil and salt and pepper to taste. Don't pussyfoot around the salt and pepper, unless of course you have an affinity for shitty food; then please, pussyfoot away.
    Let the mixture sit for an hour. Cook the pasta in heavily salted water until al dente: that's Italian for "not total shit." Then, add to the tomato mixture, toss, and serve.
    Don't fucking like that? . . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 32.
    Not a fucking vegetarian? . . . . . . . Turn to page 12.

    I'd say eat shit, but that wouldn't be helpful, so why don't you make some fucking
    Braised Lamb Shanks
    6 tablespoons extra-virgin
    olive oil, divided
    6 lamb shanks
    Salt and pepper
    3 ribs celery, diced
    2 carrots, diced
    1 large white onion, diced
    5 sprigs fresh thyme
    1 whole head of garlic,
    cut in half crosswise
    3 cups red wine
    2 cups beef stock
    2 cups chicken stock
    Preheat your oven to 325°F. Put a Dutch oven over high heat and add 3 tablespoons of oil. Season the lamb shanks with a shitload of salt and pepper, and add to the pan. Sear the shit out of the lamb shanks until they are browned all over and the fucking neighbors can smell them, but don't give them any. Remove the shanks for a few minutes. Add 3 more tablespoons of oil in the pot and add the diced celery, carrot, and onion. Cook them until they're fucking soft and sweet, about 10 minutes. Add the thyme and garlic, and cook for 2 more minutes. Add the wine and both stocks, raise the heat to high, and bring that shit to a boil. Put the lamb shanks back in the pot, seal that shit with some aluminum foil or a lid, and put it in the oven. You didn't forget to preheat the oven did you? Goddamn right you didn't. Cook that shit for 3 to 4 hours, uncovering after an hour. Skim the fat, serve, and be hailed as a god or at the very least a demigod.
    Don't fucking like that? . . . . . . . . . . Turn to page 16.
    Don't fucking eat meat? ..... Turn to page 72.

    Your indecision is truly disgusting, but I digress: cook up some fucking
    A brisket, about 6 pounds


    On Sale
    Sep 27, 2011
    Page Count
    100 pages
    Running Press

    Zach Golden

    About the Author

    Zach Golden is a writer and filmmaker. He started http://www.WhattheFuckShouldIMakeforDinner.com in 2010, and is the author of What the F*** Should I Make for Dinner?, What the F*** Should I Drink?, andWhat the F*** Should I Do with My Life? He lives in the Catskills Mountains far away from people.

    Learn more about this author