Revenge of the Lunch Ladies

Dedication

For Isabella and Cooper

Welcome Back to School

“Dear students, the summer has ended.

The school year at last has begun.

But this year is totally different.

I promise we’ll only have fun.

“We won’t study any mathematics,

and recess will last all day long.

Instead of the Pledge of Allegiance,

we’ll belt out a rock ’n’ roll song.

“We’ll only play games in the classroom.

You’re welcome to bring in your toys.

It’s okay to run in the hallways.

It’s great if you make lots of noise.

“For homework, you’ll play your Nintendo.

You’ll have to watch lots of TV.

For field trips we’ll go to the movies

and get lots of candy for free.

“The lunchroom will only serve chocolate

and Triple-Fudge Sundaes Supreme.”

Yes, that’s what I heard from my teacher

before I woke up from my dream.

School Supplies

Backpack.

Fruit snack.

Water bottle, too.

Calculator.

French translator.

Pink eraser.

Glue.

Notebooks.

Workbooks.

Poster paper.

Pens.

Dictionary.

Stationery.

Presents for my friends.

Lunchbox.

Tube socks.

Watercolors.

Tape.

Yellow pencils.

Plastic stencils—

one for every shape.

Wristwatch.

Stopwatch.

Cell phone.

DVD.

New computer.

Motor scooter.

Giant-screen TV.

That’s my

list of

all I

need to buy.

I never knew a

shopping list could

make my mother cry.

My Dream of School Supplies

I had a dream of school supplies,

where paper clips could talk,

where poster paper hung around

with marking pens and chalk.

The stationery idled

while the pencils madly raced.

The clocks went ’round in circles,

and the glue sticks merely paced.

The binders were inseparable.

They bonded with the tape.

The workbooks exercised and helped

the stencils stay in shape.

Some calculators added

to the numbers in this land,

and music was provided by

a singing rubber band.

These things were weird and kind of cool,

but this was even cooler:

The dictionaries all looked up

to me—I was the ruler.

My New School

You won’t believe the crazy things

I’m learning how to do.

I’m learning how to juggle,

ride a unicycle, too.

I now know how to twist balloons

in many different shapes

and how to make a costume

out of multicolored drapes.

I’ve learned to run in floppy shoes

and how to dye my hair.

I’ve even learned the graceful art

of dancing with a bear.

For when we moved, my parents looked

at many different towns,

but chose a place with just one school:

a school for circus clowns.

Robots in the School

We had never seen a robot

till they commandeered our school.

They arrived here from the future

when they needed to refuel.

They invaded every classroom.

They came clanking through the halls.

If you looked inside the bathrooms,

you’d see robots in the stalls.

They surrounded all the teachers

and propelled them out the door.

Then they headed for the offices

in search of even more.

They ejected the custodian

and principal as well,

plus the secretary, nurse,

and all the other personnel.

They intruded in the lunchroom

and evicted all the cooks.

They expelled our good librarian

and plundered all her books.

Then they came across a small surprise

in section eight-one-one—

just a book of goofy poetry

that looked like lots of fun.

When they opened it and read

about some silly school supplies,

their antennae started sparking

as they snickered in surprise.

Then a poem that they read

about the students’ favorite sports