Just Feel

WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK

If you are reading this book, it means you are old enough to be aware of your feelings and how things affect you. It means you are ready to be responsible, to express what you want, and to make decisions about how you live.

Perhaps someone bought this book for you and you are looking at it with an adult. Or maybe you are opening it by yourself where you live, in your classroom, or at the library. Perhaps a family member, friend, teacher, or counselor thought it would be a good book for you to read.

Maybe you were excited to open the pages because of the illustrations. Or you were feeling sad and thought the title was interesting. Perhaps you were annoyed that someone was trying to make you read this book! You may have had other feelings, as well.

Whatever the reason, this book is now in your hands, and now it’s your choice to read it, think about what it has to say, and test its ideas in your own life.

Knowing that you have choices is actually one of the reasons I wrote this book.

When I was young, my parents taught me that I was responsible for my actions and reactions, particularly when it came to my feelings. My parents didn’t expect me to be happy or excited all the time. Rather, they let me feel pride and joy in my accomplishments, and they let me reflect on my failures, too. They let me feel sad, angry, and frustrated so that I could learn how to use my feelings to be a stronger person. They taught me to be aware of the many emotions we all experience in life and to make choices about how I reacted to them.

My parents taught me that feelings are treasures—my feelings helped me discover what made me unique, which helped me figure out what I wanted in my life. I am grateful to my parents for giving me tools to be comfortable with and to accept my feelings.

As I grew older, I realized what a gift my parents had given me; I felt I could appreciate the good times but also get through tough times. As a mother, I have tried to teach my daughters—Tara and Leela—that they, too, will have lots of experiences; they will feel strong at times and uncertain at other times.

In this book, I am sharing some of the ideas and tools that we use to support each other’s feelings and to manage our days. I have now also learned so much from other experts and am honored to share these ideas with you. I hope you find them helpful.

Mallika

INTRODUCTION

Take a deep breath, right now.

Breathe in. Pause. And breathe out.

Ask yourself: How do I feel? Right now, in this moment: How do I feel?

You don’t need to share the answer with anyone—this is a question just for you.

For some, when you ask this question, you may think, I feel great!

For others, you may feel really sad or angry or lonely.

Or you may even be confused and not sure how you feel. Maybe that makes you feel scared. Or maybe that makes you feel at peace.

Perhaps, you think, I feel nothing.

Most people may feel one way right now and completely different an hour from now or tomorrow. Or perhaps they feel more than one feeling at the same time.

That is normal.

Every person in the world goes through ups and downs. Every person feels happy and sad. And for some people, when they are sad, it is hard to remember that they were ever happy.

Your feelings don’t define you. They come and go, just like the clouds drift in and out of the sky. Sometimes the clouds are light wisps and seem to blow freely and effortlessly in the wind; and other times, the clouds are dark and look heavy and rainy. The clouds, like your feelings, keep changing across the sky, and they may look different at times, but the sky is still just the sky. Similarly, you are more than your feelings, and while they may seem overwhelming at times, with practice you can remember that you are the one who is experiencing feelings (like the sky) and that you can reflect and learn from them.

You can develop skills to become aware of your feelings and be more comfortable with them. You can also learn how to see the ways other people’s emotions affect their lives—and maybe even yours! When you know what you are feeling, understand why you are feeling that way, and have ways to manage the tough times and celebrate the good ones, you will have more energy and power to get through every day.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

Deep down inside, most of us want to be healthy, happy, connected to others, and valuable to our friends, family, and community.

This book assumes that no one is perfect—you have strengths and weaknesses; you make mistakes; you like to do some things and don’t like to do other things; and you, like everyone else, sometimes need help from others. This book helps you to know that you are strong and intelligent, even if you don’t feel it all the time.

This book is also about letting you know that you are resilient—you already have the power inside you to get back up when things don’t go your way or when you are struggling. Hopefully, the information in this book will help you feel stronger, find inspiration, make good choices, and connect with others in real, meaningful ways.

Here is the basic idea you’ll find in this book: If you know how you feel, you can make smart choices and act to create the life you want.

This book presents facts, ideas, and exercises for you to:

Know—
be aware of your body, mind, surroundings, desires, and feelings.

Choose—
what you focus on, how you look at the world, how you communicate, and how you want to live your life.

Act—
to smartly manage your time, interact with others, set goals, and do things that make you happy and successful.

Don’t feel like you need to read this book in strict order from beginning to end. Rather, you can flip through the pages and see what may be relevant to your life today and read those sections first.

And while this book is written for you, you can also use it to educate your parents, teachers, and other adults in your life about your feelings and choices.

Ready? Let’s begin!