Welcome to the Grief Club

Someone you care about has died.

You are now a member of the Grief Club—the club that no one wants to be part of but is here for you when you need it. Some of us are grieving family members; others are grieving partners and friends. Some of our loved ones were young and others were older. Some of their deaths were anticipated, while others were unexpected. What we have in common as Grief Club members is that we have all loved and lost.

It can seem as if no one understands what you're going through. You may be wondering if what you're experiencing is "normal," or how you can possibly survive this loss. As fellow unwilling Grief Club members, we get it. We really, really do. While grief is different for everyone, we know that whatever you're feeling is valid, and that while losing someone you care about is excruciatingly hard, you will get through this.

Welcome to the Grief Club—we're so sorry that you're here.

This is the absolute pits.

They died, but somehow the rest of the world continues on—people are still stressing over deadlines, complaining about their commute, and making brunch plans, as if no one noticed this new gaping void in the universe. Your life as you know it has been shattered, and they're wondering if you can send over your meeting notes by the end of the day.

You may feel as if you're living in a parallel, broken universe that no one seems to acknowledge, and that you're reeling from a loss that no one else sees. This can make you want to grab someone—anyone—and shake them until they recognize your new reality. It can make you want to pull them into your universe so they have no choice but to experience for themselves the pain you're in.

Our losses don't impact others as deeply, even if we sometimes wish they would. On top of that, the way we approach grief as a society doesn't help: We're not accustomed to, and therefore not adept at, talking about and dealing with grief. Some people won't acknowledge your loss because it makes them uncomfortable, or they're afraid of saying the wrong things, or they don't want to make you sad by bringing it up. Others will offer their condolences and support immediately after the death, but oftentimes will stop acknowledging it after the first few weeks or months.

An unintended consequence of the whiplash speed at which everyone else returns to life as usual is that it can seem as if the loss you are grieving isn't important. You may feel like you should be grieving less, or at least more privately, and moving through your grief more quickly than you are.