What to Expect the Second Year

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks (Or, Ta-Ta)

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I need help. There, I’ve said it . . . I need help, and lots of it. And as luck would have it, I’ve not only got that help in spades, I’ve got the best a girl could hope for. Starting, as always, with the man I’ve been blessed to wake up beside for 29 years—my partner in love, life, business, and pleasure, my DH and my BFF, Erik (though occasionally that man is a six-pound chihuahua named Harry, who manages to snuggle his way to the sweet spot between Erik and me—just like Emma used to do back in the toddler day . . . though she didn’t shed).

And there’s more help where that comes from . . . plenty more. The WTE family of books has grown, but happily so has the number of wonderful, talented, committed WTE family members who have pitched in to help it grow. Some have come, helped, and moved on (and when they do, I try not to take it personally), others have stuck by me since WTE’s conception. Thanks a lot, or as the toddlers say, “ta-ta” to:

Arlene Eisenberg, my first partner in WTE and my most important one. Your legacy of caring and compassion lives on forever—you’ll always be loved and always be remembered.

Sharon Mazel, you’re the wind in my sail, the answer to my questions, the chocolate on my peanut butter—and always, the yin to my yang. How could I live (or work) without you? Love to you, your ever-patient doctor husband, Jay, and the four girls who’ve somehow raised themselves (really well): Daniella, Arianne, Sophia, and Kira.

Suzanne Rafer, true friend, exceptional editor, awesome author advocate, whose critiques are always as sharp as her pencils (and hey, I’ve even stopped erasing some of them!). Not surprisingly—after all these years of passes, we’re both wearing glasses.

Peter Workman, for his dedication, passion, and commitment, and for creating the house that became WTE’s home.

Everyone else at Workman who has helped deliver my latest baby (I guess that makes you my doulas): Bob Miller, new fearless leader, for your finesse with facilitating and your excellence in expediting. David Matt, for always going, well, to the mat for me—and for sharing an artistic vision that, let’s face it, definitely doesn’t come cheap. Lisa Hollander and Rae-Ann Spitzenberger, my two favorite designing women, for your talent—and patience. Painting genius Tim O’Brien for bringing the world’s cutest toddler, Gigi, to life (and to Gigi, for the smile you bring to my face every time I see yours), and to Anne Kerman for finding Gigi. Lynn Parmentier for your crazy beautiful quilt. Karen Kuchar, for capturing perfectly that quintessential toddler cuteness (and for your astonishing grace under deadlines). Peggy Gannon for always going with the flow and keeping the flow going. And my other phenomenal friends at Workman, including Suz2 (Suzie Bolotin), Erin Klabunde, Beth Rees, Walter Weintz, Page Edmunds, Jenny Mandel, James Wehrle, Joe Ginis, Steven Pace, Marilyn Barnett, Jodi Weiss, Emily Krasner, Beth Wareham, Barbara Peragine—and the entire sales and marketing team.

Dr. Mark Widome, for your vast wealth of medical expertise, your deep pockets of wisdom, your endless reservoir of patience, passion, and good humor—plus, can you write a fabulous foreword, or what? I’m not sure who’s luckier—the students you teach, the children you care for, the parents you counsel, or me (I’m just glad there’s enough of you to go around!).

Steven Petrow (MG), Vince Errico (Dimples), Mike Keriakos, Ben Wolin, Jim Curtis (CSOB), Sarah Hutter, and all my wonderful friends and partners at Everyday Health, for making our vision of WhatToExpect.com a reality. Thanks, also, to the amazing WTE community of moms—not only for making our site the special place that it is, but for sharing your bellies, babies, and toddlers with me every day. With a special shout (and XO) out to my Facebook and Twitter family—thanks for always being there for me.

Two other men I don’t wake up with but couldn’t face a day without: Marc Chamlin, for your keen legal eagle eye, your business smarts, your unflagging friendship and support; and Alan Nevins, for your masterful management, phenomenal finessing, endless patience, persistence, and handholding (we’ll always have Cairo). And to the newest member of the WTE team, someone who has a great name and even a greater gift of communication: Heidi Schaeffer—thanks for getting the word out!

The mamas of my other baby: The What to Expect Foundation, Lisa Bernstein (mama, also to Zoe and Oh-that-Teddy) and Ruth Turoff (mama, also to the beautiful Bluebell), for spreading mom power to those who need it most.

Emma (the toddler who started it all), Wyatt (the toddler who followed), and my newest son, Russell—you’ve made me one lucky mama, and I love you all so much.

And speaking of family that I adore: Sandee Hathaway, my sweet sister and friend; my endlessly adorable father Howard Eisenberg; my treasured in-laws, Abby and Norman Murkoff. And Victor Shargai, for your love, support, and DNA.

To AAP, for being tireless advocates for children and their parents, and to all of the practitioners who work every day to make little lives happier, healthier, and safer.

And most of all, to all moms, dads, and toddlers everywhere. Big hugs to you all!

INTRODUCTION

Bye-Bye Baby, Hello Toddler

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Not like you haven’t noticed, but in just 12 short months, your baby has come a long, long way. Yesterday’s bundle of joy is today’s bundle of energy . . . a snuggly armful turned into a wriggly handful. Content to coo, cuddle, and stay put? Reliably pliable, simple to satisfy, and easily totable? That’s so last year.

Bye-bye baby, hello toddler . . . and welcome to the wonder year: the second year. Twelve jam-packed (and jam-smeared) months of fabulous firsts (first steps, first words . . . first tantrum), mind-boggling growth and development, lightning-speed learning, and endless explorations and discoveries driven by insatiable curiosity.

Not to mention, monumental challenges—both for your toddler (“How do I get those blocks to stack without falling over?” “How can I turn that puzzle piece so it fits?” “How can I get my hands on mommy’s laptop?”) and for you (“How do I get my toddler to eat/sleep/play nicely/separate at day care drop-off/put on a coat/leave the playground—without a struggle? Or get through a supermarket trip without a meltdown on the frozen foods aisle?”).

Toddlers, like babies, don’t come with an owner’s manual, and yet they’re at least as difficult to figure out . . . and to operate safely. Happily, help is here. Picking up the action where What to Expect the First Year leaves off (and as the action really starts to pick up), What to Expect the Second Year is a complete why, when, and how-to guide to your fledgling toddler, from 12 months to 24 months.

It’s all here, in a brand-new, easy-to-access, fast-to-flip-to, topic-by-topic format—everything you need to know to decode, cope with, and fully enjoy the fascinating, complicated, sometimes maddening, always adorable little person last year’s baby has suddenly become. You’ll find the facts—along with realistic solutions, strategies, and tips—on feeding (including how to get a head start on healthy eating habits without picking food fights with a picky eater). Sleeping (how to help your toddler get the z’s he or she needs—but without the battles—at bedtime and naptime). Playing and making friends (how to promote sharing and turn-taking, how to keep playdates from turning into slug fests). Getting your toddler talking . . . and listening. Cultivating creativity, encouraging curiosity, and nurturing your little one’s natural love of learning-by-doing. Taking on tantrums (at home and in public), and tackling those first glimpses of the “terrible two’s” in your terrific 1-year-old. Making sense of every conceivable (and inconceivable) toddler behavior—from the predictable to the seemingly random. Teaching (and enforcing) right and wrong, setting age-appropriate expectations, and disciplining effectively. Keeping your toddler safe and healthy as he or she takes on the world . . . or at least the local park.

Wondering about where your toddler stacks up in the growth department? It’s in here. Developmentally? A milestones timeline—and milestone boxes throughout the book—have you covered. Thinking of traveling with your toddler in tow? There’s a chapter for that, too. Need a parental pep talk (and what parent of a toddler doesn’t)? You’ll get plenty of those.

It’s the next step in What to Expect—and the next step in your parenting adventure. So take a deep breath, lace up your running shoes, and whatever you do, don’t blink: The wonder year is here.

Here’s to a happy second year!

A TODDLER TIMELINE

The Second Year at a Glance

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Your child, like every child, is one of a kind. Not like any other. In other words, incomparable. That, of course, probably doesn’t stop you from comparing your little one’s development to that of other kids the same age. Or comparing it against developmental timelines, like the one that follows.

Sometimes comparisons are helpful, even reassuring—as when you scan a list of skills considered age-appropriate to make sure your toddler’s development is on target. Or when you compare your toddler’s rate of development one month to a previous month’s—to see if it’s holding steady, lagging a little, or racing ahead. And you won’t be the only one who’s making comparisons as your toddler grows. Your child’s doctor will look for certain milestones at each well-child visit, to be sure that your toddler’s development fits within the (very) wide range of normal for his or her age.

Sometimes, though, comparisons to an “average” pace of development can be misleading. After all, there are few “average” kids, or kids who develop at a uniform pace, or kids who develop at the same rate in all areas across the board. Some 1-year-olds may be zooming around the playground, while others haven’t even taken their first steps yet. Some may be running circles around others when it comes to verbal skills. Some may speed ahead early in most departments, while others may get a bit of a late start, eventually catching up or even zipping past. Some are relatively consistent in their pace of development, others develop in fits and spurts. Illness or a major disruption or change in a child’s life (a new childcare situation, a parent who’s sick or away, the arrival of a baby sibling, a move to a new home, even an extended vacation) can temporarily throw development off pace altogether. That’s why comparing your toddler to other toddlers the same age isn’t really very helpful, and why you should always compare with care when it comes to developmental timelines.

Your unique toddler may hang out pretty consistently in the average-for-age category for months—or even for the full year. Or maybe his or her overall development won’t ever fit a predictable pattern—it’s slow one month, vaulting ahead the next. Most kids will also go through frustrating, disorganized periods of no apparent progress—weeks in a row without a single new accomplishment. That’s usually because a giant step—like taking first steps—is just around the corner. A developmental drought, and then, bingo—your toddler’s walking or talking up a storm.

Remember: Most rates of development are just right. As long as your toddler is reaching the majority of milestones on time, his or her development is on target—which means you can sit back and marvel at those amazing achievements, instead of analyzing them. If, on the other hand, you notice that your toddler is consistently missing milestones or seems to be suddenly slipping significantly in development—or if you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right—check in with the doctor. Most likely there’s no problem at all (some children keep moving forward, just on a slower-than-average developmental timetable), and you’ll get the reassurance you’re looking for. If a lag is identified, your toddler will be able to get help maximizing his or her developmental potential.

Something else you’ll need to keep in mind: Developmental timelines are a quick and easy way to check on developmental progress every once in a while, but they’re not predictive of your child’s future. No words yet? It doesn’t mean there isn’t a law career on the books later on. Not the most coordinated tyke on the block? It doesn’t mean your little one won’t one day be tearing up the tennis court or the baseball field. Something else timelines aren’t: a must-do for parents. Are you happy letting your child’s development take its course without wondering if he’s on track or she’s where she should be? That’s completely fine. Take a timeline time-out, let your toddler do the developing, and leave the screening to the doctor.

Developmental Milestones in the Second Year

12 to 13 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Pull up to standing

• Get into sitting position

• Cruise from place to place holding on

• Clap hands (play Pat-a-Cake)

• Pick up an object from the floor while standing (and holding on)

• Communicate needs without crying (at least, sometimes)

• Say 1 word

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Stand without help

• Take a few solo steps

• Drink from a cup

• Put an object into a container

• Say 2 words

• Point to something they want

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Walk well

• Scribble

• Hold out an arm or leg to help with getting dressed

• Play games like peek-a-boo

• Look in the right direction when asked to locate something (“Where’s Mommy?” or “Where’s the light?”)

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Roll a ball back and forth

• Attempt to lift heavier items

• Use a fork or spoon to eat, once in a while

• Undress

• Identify a body part when asked, by pointing to it

13 to 14 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to (see box) . . .

• Stand alone

• Cruise

• Walk with help

• Take a few steps unassisted

• Wave bye-bye

• Put an object into a container (and then dump it out again)

• Eat with their fingers

• Say “mama” and “dada” intentionally

• Follow a 1-step direction (“Pick up the doll, please”)

• Imitate others (clap hands when someone else claps hands, for instance)

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Walk well

• Push a toy with wheels while walking

• Pick up an object from the ground while standing (without holding on)

• Point to a body part when asked (“Where’s your nose?”)

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Pull a toy while walking

• Imitate with an object (use a phone to “talk,” a sponge to “clean”)

• Use a spoon or fork to eat, once in a while

• Drink from a cup independently

• Say 3 words

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Run

• Climb steps

• Build a tower of 2 cubes

• Match shapes in a shape sorter

• Say 6 words or more

• Follow a 2-step direction (“Pick up the rubber duckie and give it to me, please”)

14 to 15 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Take a few solo steps

• Point to a desired object

• Say at least 1 word

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Walk well

• Bend over and pick up an object while standing

• Play with a ball

• Scribble with a crayon

• Drink independently from a cup

• Say at least 2 words

• Laugh at something funny or silly

• Recognize what objects are used for (a hairbrush, a hat, a broom)

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Run

• Stack 2 cubes to build a tower

• Point to a few body parts when asked

• Turn paper pages in a book

• Point to a picture in a book when asked

• Say at least 3 words

• Say the word “no” often

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Walk backward

• Walk up stairs (but not down yet)

• Say 5 or more words

• Draw lines with a crayon

• Sing

15 to 16 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Climb (on things, out of the stroller, and so on)

• Walk well

• Imitate activities

• Scribble

• Turn paper pages in a book

• Carry objects in each hand

• Understand simple directions (“no,” “look,” “come,” “please give me”)

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Stack 3 blocks

• Imitate with an object (use a phone to “talk,” a broom to “sweep”)

• Use a spoon or fork

• Throw a ball

• Say 3 words

• Recognize self in mirror or picture

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Run

• Walk backward

• Dance to music

• Say 6 words

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Kick a ball forward

• Brush teeth, with help

• Take off one piece of clothing without help

• Say 15 words or more

16 to 17 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Play on riding toys

• Drink from a cup

• Say 2 to 3 words

• Enjoy saying “no”

• Point to a desired object

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Run

• Throw a ball underhand

• Point to body parts when asked

• Say 6 to 10 words regularly

• Play pretend games

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Walk up steps

• Kick a ball

• Take off one piece of clothing without help

• Sort toys by shape or color

• Follow a 2-step verbal command (without gestures)

• Say 10 to 20 words regularly

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Throw a ball overhand

• Build a tower of 4 blocks

• Identify 2 items in a picture by pointing

• Identify 1 picture by naming (“dog,” “cat,” and so on)

• Combine words

• Speak and be understood half the time

• Say 50+ words

17 to 18 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Run

• Drink from a cup

• Point to something they want

• Pull off mittens, hat, socks

• Look at board books independently

• Enjoy finger play (Itsy Bitsy Spider, for instance)

• Say 10 words

• Play alone on the floor

• Recognize themselves in mirror or pictures

• Laugh at something funny or silly

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Dance to music

• Drag things around

• Crawl backward down stairs

• Brush teeth with help

• Drink with a straw

• Start showing a preference for one hand over the other

• Stack 4 blocks

• Say 20+ words

• String 2 words together in phrases

• Ask for something by name

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Jump

• Throw a ball overhand

• Identify 2 pictures by naming

• Combine words

• Be understood when speaking, about half the time

• Sing

• Remember where things belong

• Show off to get attention or repeat sounds (or actions) that make people laugh

• Recognize emotion/show empathy (hugging someone who is sad, for instance)

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Take toys apart and put them back together

• Help put toys away

• String large wooden beads

• Blow bubbles

• Take off clothes

• Draw circles

18 to 20 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Run

• Bend over to pick up a toy and not fall

• Climb

• Play pretend games

• Imitate behaviors (such as feeding a doll)

• Feed themselves with a spoon and fork

• Say 10 to 20 words

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Walk up steps

• Kick a ball

• Take off clothes without help

• Draw a straight line

• Brush teeth with help

• Say 20 to 50 words

• Combine words

• Identify 2 pictures by naming

Some toddlers may be able to . . .

• Balance on one foot while holding on

• Take off clothes

• Name 6 body parts

• Identify 4 pictures by naming

• Say 50+ words

• Form short sentences

• Ask “why” and “what’s that” questions

A few toddlers may be able to . . .

• Walk down stairs, holding on

• Wash and dry hands

• Build a tower of 6 cubes

• Show some signs of potty readiness (for example, announce a poop in progress)

• Speak in full sentences

20 to 22 Months

Most toddlers will probably be able to . . .

• Run well

• Squat

• Throw a ball underhand

• Take off an article of clothing

• Enjoy playing with clay, musical instruments, and other manipulative toys

• Follow 2-step directions

• Say 10 to 20 words

• Set simple goals (such as deciding to fill a bucket with water and bring it to the sandbox to wet the sand)

Half of all toddlers will be able to . . .

• Open doors

• Walk down stairs with assistance

• Play with simple puzzles

• Understand (though not use) as many as 200 words, or just about everything said to them

• Say 50+ words

• Recognize when something is identified incorrectly (like when a “cat” is called a “truck”)