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What Can I Say?
A Kid's Guide to Super-Useful Social Skills to Help You Get Along and Express Yourself; Speak Up, Speak Out, Talk about Hard Things, and Be a Good Friend
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Trade Paperback $16.95 $22.95 CADThis item is a preorder. Your payment method will be charged immediately, and the product is expected to ship on or around May 24, 2022. This date is subject to change due to shipping delays beyond our control.
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Excerpt
The mission of Storey Publishing is to serve our customers by publishing practical information that encourages personal independence in harmony with the environment.
Edited by Deanna F. Cook and Mia Lumsden
Art direction and book design by Ash Austin
Illustrations by © Debbie Fong
Text © 2022 by Catherine Newman
Ebook production by Slavica A. Walzl
Ebook version 1.0
May 24, 2022
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages or reproduce illustrations in a review with appropriate credits; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other—without written permission from the publisher.
The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. All recommendations are made without guarantee on the part of the author or Storey Publishing. The author and publisher disclaim any liability in connection with the use of this information.
Storey books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to specification. For details, please call 800-827-8673, or send an email to sales@storey.com.
Storey Publishing
210 MASS MoCA Way
North Adams, MA 01247
storey.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
For my kids and my kids' friends and my friends' kids and my nieces and nephews and niblings, and for all the kids everywhere who have shown me what it means to communicate lovingly, gracefully, hilariously, courageously, and with beautiful, authentic awkwardness.
—Catherine
For all the kids who struggle (like I did) to speak up for themselves and others.
—Debbie
Contents
Praise for What Can I Say?
How To Be Your Best Self: The Basics
Chapter 1: How to Meet, Greet & Part
How to Greet Someone
How to Introduce Yourself
How to Introduce Other People
How to Put Someone at Ease
How to Say Goodbye
Chapter 2: How to Have a Conversation
How to Express Curiosity
How to Listen
How to Make Small Talk
How to Give and Receive a Compliment
Chapter 3: How to Get Along with People
How to Compromise
How to Give Someone the Benefit of the Doubt
How to Be Wrong
How to Be Right
How to Argue
How to Persuade Someone
How to Be Grateful
Chapter 4: How to Deal with Hard Things
How to Be Embarrassed
How to Apologize
How to Forgive
How to Be Angry
How to Say No
How to Ask for Help
How to Shut Down Gossip
How to Let a Friend Go
How to Step Back from a Friendship
Chapter 5: How to Be in a Romantic Relationship (or Not)
How to Know if You Have a Crush on Someone
How to Ask Someone Out
How to Go on a Date
How to Deal with Being Awkward
How to Break Up with Someone
How to Get Your Heart Broken
How to Not be in a Romantic Relationship
Chapter 6: How to Be Supportive
How to Show Your Appreciation
How to Express Empathy
How to Be Supportive when Someone Confides in You
How to Comfort Someone
How to Be Inclusive
How to stick up for someone
How to Give Advice
Chapter 7: How to Be An Ally
How to Be Courageous
How to Educate Yourself
How to Disrupt Prejudice
How to Respond to an Offensive Joke
How to Talk about Pronouns
How to Be Trustworthy
Chapter 8: How to Care for Your Community
How to Be a Good Neighbor
How to Volunteer
How to Be an Activist
How to Make a Protest Sign
How to Change the World
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Here's what people are saying about How To Be A Person
Share Your Experience!
How to Be Your Best Self The Basics
This is a book about how to talk to the other people in your life (you can probably figure out how to talk to yourself on your own) because our relationships are what give our lives meaning! Relationships with our friends and family, for sure, but also with our neighbors and teachers, our teammates and classmates, our fellow citizens and crushes and pets. Okay, you already know what to say to your pets—"Sit" and "Stay" and "Who's a good boy?" and "Which one of you ate my underpants?" But that still leaves the humans: What do you say to them? And how? And, also, when?
It depends on the situation, of course! And this book tries to cover a lot of different situations: easier conversations and harder ones; in- person talking and the kind you might do over text or email. Other people's ways of being in the world can be so confusing.
But you already have the tools you need—empathy, curiosity, and care—to learn the skills you need to connect with other people, just like you've learned the skills of making a sandwich or cutting a heart out of a folded piece of paper. Skills that might take practice, sure, but that you can master over time so you can live happily and well in the world of people.
But why?
Learning how to be more kind, gracious, expressive, compassionate, responsible, respectful, and authentic in your interactions is going to make the world a better place, filled with happier people. Plus, it's going to help you in a million ways: Your friends might adore you more, your parents might agree to more stuff, your peers might be more likely to respect your opinions, your teachers might give you the benefit of the doubt, and maybe even strangers will fall all over themselves to help you.
Even if you experience conflicts and disappointments in your relationships sometimes (and you will), you'll know how to handle them better. If how you're acting and interacting feels right, so will everything else. Plus, as one of my own kids once said,
"You're never going to be lying on your deathbed wishing you'd been a bigger jerk."
There's not a single right way to be, though. You might be an introvert or an extrovert, shy, outgoing, or really just more into your pets than you are into people. "Normal" is not a thing, and everyone doesn't have to be the same kind of person.
You might even have extra challenges when it comes to interacting with other people. You might be on the autism spectrum, say, or experience social anxiety that makes small talk feel like you're waiting in line for a roller coaster you never even said you wanted to ride. That's fine. You can just be how you are—skipping what seems impossible for now but putting a mental or actual bookmark there in case anything changes and you feel that you'd like to try it out.
It's also okay to be noisy (or silent), to cry, to say no, to disturb people when you need to, to express yourself in a way that's different from how other people express themselves. Doing and saying the right thing is not always about smoothing the rough edges, conforming to norms, or making everybody's life easier.
Justice, for example, has never come about from people sitting politely with their pinky fingers extended away from their teacups chatting mildly about the weather. Will you make mistakes in your relationships and interactions? Of course! Will you learn from them? You will.
What matters most is that you try to be your best self and balance other people's needs with your own. What matters is that, more often than not, the question you ask out loud or in your own head is "What can I do here to help?" What matters is that you've spoken your truth and have also been respectful of other people's selves, of their intrinsic worth as human beings. It's a lot to ask, but we're asking it.
All of Us
Genre:
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"A primer for tweens on healthy communication and boundaries, how to be an ally, how to care for your community — basically, as Newman spells out in her introduction, “how to talk to the other people in your life.” Newman’s writing is kind and inclusive. Fong’s art is friendly and funny, depicting a diverse cast of young characters (of different races, genders, abilities) as they negotiate various social scenarios." — The New York Times Book Review
“One of the most important things adults can teach children is the skill of communication and self-advocacy. What Can I Say? can not only teach children to be more confident, eloquent, and clear, it can save them from harm and give them the tools and courage they need to ask for help. I cannot recommend this book enough to anyone engaged in raising competent, proactive kids with a strong sense of self-efficacy.” — Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation
"Newman is out with another totally gorgeous guide for kids about how to succeed in the world. This time, it’s real-talk on the awkward and hard task of behaving appropriately around other humans, told with the humor and nuance of a hip babysitter. This book is to GenZ what Free To Be You And Me was to GenX. You’ll find yourself wishing you’d had it years ago!" — Julie Lythcott-Haims, New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult and Your Turn
"What a glorious book. What Can I Say? is much-needed in this era of increased social awkwardness and conflict. Catherine Newman and illustrator Debbie Fong have created a delightfully illustrated, inclusive guide to help kids evaluate their behavior, tune into their feelings, and figure out how to start a conversation, be a good listener, and interact in simple and emotionally charged situations, with kids and adults, and in person or digitally. If I had this book as a young person, I no doubt would have handled countless relationships in a more loving and compassionate manner." — Christine Koh, co-author of Minimalist Parenting and co-host of the EditYour Life podcast
"Catherine Newman is my go-to for etiquette advice, both for me and my kids, who are 4 and 11. She has the touch: compassion for awkward and uncomfortable situations, like stepping away from a friendship or comforting someone, and our complicated feelings about them. Plus, she gets how much harder these are for young people. This book, full of fabulous illustrations, "Nerd Facts," pop quizzes, and examples of how to do things the right way ("Nailing It") and the wrong way ("Not Nailing It," "Also Not Nailing It") will make kids laugh, which is the best way to make them pay attention. It's an accessible primer on how to be more loving, inclusive, self-confident, and, indeed, a better human." — Jenny Pritchett, better known as Jenny True, "Dear Jenny" columnist on Romper and author of You Look Tired: An Excruciatingly Honest Guide to New Parenthood
“A book that’s not just for kids! What Can I Say? offers clear, practical, and reassuring guidance to children and adolescents about communicating with others in all kinds of situations. From texting and emailing to conversations with an older adult or an intimate partner, the tips in this book are thoughtful, straightforward, and inclusive to young people and their families, broadly defined. As a mother, psychologist, and professor, I’d like to see this as required reading for all young people and those who love them. In a world where the art of communication is far too often neglected, What can I say reminds us how much interacting in a healthy way with those around us enriches our lives. From compromise to gratitude to forgiveness to compassion, Catherine Newman reminds youth and the adults who care about them the importance of humanity in communication.” — Abigail Gewirtz, Ph.D., L.P, author of When the World Feels Like a Scary Place, and Editor-in-Chief, International Journal of Psychology
- On Sale
- May 24, 2022
- Page Count
- 160 pages
- Publisher
- Storey
- ISBN-13
- 9781635864342
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