How to Be Famous

Copyright

Photos throughout the book appear courtesy of Pacific Coast News. Used by permission.

Copyright © 2009 by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Grand Central Publishing

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First eBook Edition: November 2009

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ISBN: 978-0-446-56744-2

Acknowledgments

This book would not have been possible without the help and support of the following people. We'd like to thank Jesus, our families, Nana, Tony Disanto, Adam Devillo, Liz Gately, Van Toffler, Janice Min, Peter M. Grossman, Dan Wakeford, Larry Hackett, Richard Spencer, TV Guide, Ryan Seacrest, Perez Hilton, Harvey Levin and TMZ, Rolling Stone, Jann Wenner, Jeff Berg, Peter Churnun, David Foster, Barbara Walters, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Larry King, Ben Silverman, Amanda Ruisi, Rick Rhodes, Mel Berger, Adam Gelvin, Suzie Unger, Lon Rosen, John Fereder, Dan Black, Anne Clark, Ken Burry, The One and Only Palmilla, the paps everywhere, James Aylott, Mike Carrillo and everyone at Pacific Coast News, Mary-Kate Olsen, Kristin Cavalleri, MadeMen baseball, Edward Jones, Wolfgang Puck, Michelle DeLuchs and the staff at Cut, Don Antonio's, Martin Scholler, Matthew Rolston, Hugh Hefner, Todd Moskowitz, Dave Pinsado, Kathy Dennis, Steve Morales, Bill Beasley, Chad Waterbury, King Kevin Casey, Gerardo Mejia, the original Rico Suave, Rickson Gracie, Dr. Frank Ryan, Zoe Rose, and Lincoln Edward Grossman.

1. YOUR POINT OF ENTRY

We realize this may all seem a bit daunting. We're sure you're sitting there thinking, How can I possibly get famous? Who am I? Don't sweat it. Like any problem, there's always a solution. You just need to break it down into steps. You don't just roll out of bed one day and become Madonna or Angelina Jolie. But you'll get there. The first step on your journey is to do something exactly opposite to what you'll be doing once you succeed. Think about other people before yourself. Yes, we know this sounds crazy. Please forgive us for such an outrageous statement. But allow us to explain.

You can't just walk out onto the street and say "Look at me!" and become famous. And unless you're going to do something like crash-landing a plane in the middle of the Hudson River without hurting a single passenger, you're going to have to take a few baby steps. So start by viewing your surroundings. The easiest way to begin your journey to fame is to find an existing group of moderately famous people and join them. Remember, strength in numbers. Hollywood history is littered with famous gangs. From the Rat Pack to the Brat Pack to the Frat Pack, it's always been easier to get famous in a group of people than it is by yourself.

We're no different. Remember, the girls on our show all started out as friends. Let's see, what can we call a bunch of hot chicks running around LA getting famous just for being on TV . . . We'd like to take this opportunity to coin a phrase… Ladies and Gentlemen, the Cat Pack. That's what the girls were! Each fell into their roll and played it well: the front woman, the sidekick (Heidi), the vixen, and the fashionista. Now, keep in mind this is only stage one, young grasshoppers. It goes without saying that the eventual goal is to break out and take over. Let's be honest. Today, Heidi is the only one of those girls that can now claim to be a front woman (seven Us Weekly covers and counting), a vixen (the only one of them to get her own Maxim and Playboy covers), and a fashionista (her clothing line Heidiwood sold out at Kitson in one day… twice). That's why WE'RE the ones writing the book! We're the Pratt Pack now, people! But we digress.

Even Heidi had to start somewhere. When she was asked to be on a reality show starring someone who was ALREADY famous for being on a reality show, it was a no-brainer. The lesson again is that it's easier to go farther on a moving train than to start one up yourself. Why go through all the trouble? But you must learn to smile for the camera before you learn to star in your own show, so let's get back to the baby steps.

You need to take a look at an existing group, figure out what is missing, and fill that void. Each gang of celebs has a few essential roles. You've got the leader, the sidekick, the villain, and the role players. Before you introduce yourself to the world, you have to figure out exactly who it is you're introducing. Bear in mind that the public you and the personal private you aren't necessarily the same person—but you'll find it very difficult to keep up a complete façade your entire life, so we recommend staying somewhat close to your natural personality. Whenever our real friends are asked if we're "really like that," they usually say something along the lines of, "Sort of. You're just seeing magnified versions of them on TV." And that's what your persona or character is. A magnified version of yourself.

Now if you're anything like us, you love being the center of attention, and so you figure you should be the star from day one. That's what we thought at first, too. But this is a typical beginner's mistake. Being the Alpha Dog can be very stressful. Sure, every story begins and ends with you, and all the other players in your universe revolve around you like the planets around the sun. And sure, you make the most money, get the best-looking boyfriend or girlfriend, the most publicity, and the best perks. But being the star also means that you will spend the rest of your life having people gunning for your position. You better grow eyes in the back of your head, because there are people out there who can't wait to betray you.

The other problem of starting out as the star is that there is nowhere to go but down. You're constantly playing defense against people vying for your top-dog status, and it's only a matter of time until you're sacked. For these reasons, we suggest you start out as a sidekick. It allows you the chance to build up your character without the pressures of the star so you can plan your next move. Think of it as the minor leagues of celebrity. You're learning the ropes, playing the game, and when you're ready, you get called up to the big leagues. In order to be a sidekick, though, you need to figure out which kind suits you.