Excerpt: THE WAR BEYOND by Andrea Stewart

In the distant past, mortals broke the world. They cut and burned the giant Numinar trees, feeding the branches into their machines to distill the magic within. When the land above became uninhabitable, the mortal Tolemne made his way to the hollow center of the world. There, he made a bargain with the god Kluehnn. In exchange for religious control and a regular tithe of god gems, Kluehnn agreed to magically revitalize the surface of the world, one piece at a time.

Hakara is an orphan, responsible for her younger sister, Rasha. When the black wall of restoration approaches, promising to heal the realm while altering half the residents and disappearing the rest, she flees with Rasha for the border. In the chaos, Rasha gets left behind and Hakara awakens on the other side.

Ten years later, Hakara is working as a sinkhole miner, saving money so she can return to find her sister. When she sees a god gem just past the second aerocline, she manages to hold her breath and grab it, but the sinkhole begins to collapse. She puts the gem between her teeth and accidentally swallows it.

Hakara becomes supernaturally strong and escapes the sinkhole. This ultimately leads to her capture by the Unanointed, a ragtag band of rebels who need her help to stop their realm, Langzu, from being restored. Their leader, Mitoran, tells her that in exchange, they’ll help her find her sister.

Now Hakara is one of the Unanointed, her mission to search out corestones that will help make Langzu livable again without restoration. They bond her to an altered who can summon aether – the magical air past the aeroclines.

Hakara meets Thassir, a large, winged altered man. Hakara has never been able to take a hint, and although he clearly dislikes her, she’s able to convince him to help on their next assignment.

The assignment goes terribly wrong as they are ambushed by godkillers. Hakara’s partner dies and Thassir offers himself up as a bonded partner in the midst of battle. Together they finish the job, retrieving the corestone. Thassir wants to break their bond immediately, but Hakara talks him into staying when they discover the location of another corestone, one they’ll have to intercept godkillers to take.

They take heavy casualties. Hakara snatches the corestone but an aspect of Kluehnn appears. Thassir kills the piece of Kluehnn, though he’s injured in the process. Hakara tends to Thassir’s wounds and discovers he is a god.

When they return, the leader of the resistance, Mitoran, informs her they are planning to raid a den in Kashan for a corestone. Thassir tells Hakara not to go. But the Unanointed are the only ones who can help her find her sister. And then Thassir says the thing that always makes Hakara angry: in all likelihood, one way or another, Rasha is dead. And it is not Hakara’s fault. But this time, she cannot find a way to deny it.

In a fit of confusion and hurt, Hakara leaves the Unanointed and breaks her bond with Thassir. But one of Mitoran’s agents finds her and tells her Rasha is alive and in the very den that the Unanointed will be raiding. Hakara has to save Rasha. Unable to find Thassir, she bonds with another altered.

Hakara finds her sister in the den, but Rasha doesn’t need or want rescuing. It’s been ten years and it’s far too late.

Rasha spares Hakara but kills her bonded partner. Fleeing from the fighting, Hakara and her team find themselves in an undisturbed part of the den, where they encounter Mitoran. Mitoran claims to have found the corestone and says she will lead them out, but they realize that in reality she is Lithuas, an elder god. She’s working for Kluehnn, and they need Hakara to infuse the corestone to enact restoration.

Hakara starts to go through with it. She’s lost Rasha, she has no bonded partner, she has nothing. But instead of infusing the corestone Mitoran gives her, she swallows it. Her mortal body can’t handle this rush of power. She falls and sees, as though in a dream, Thassir. He’s fighting back the godkillers, he’s fighting against Lithuas.

He re-bonds her and tells her that she cannot give up. She’s the most stubborn woman he knows. And then he… kisses her? Magical air is pouring into her and it feels odd. She rises to kill this den’s aspect of Kluehnn and passes out.

She awakens. They’ve averted restoration but the Unanointed are in tatters. Thassir admits he knew Mitoran was Lithuas, a confession that sends them reeling away from one another. But Hakara takes control of the Unanointed, to continue their original mission of defeating Kluehnn. She’ll do what she does best: make trouble.

Rasha

After Hakara is separated from her when they are children, Rasha awakens in a new and changed realm, herself changed to have horns and claws. In spite of her frightening appearance, she is still just a child and is lost without Hakara. She waits, but Hakara doesn’t return. When a recruiter from a nearby den offers her a place, she finally leaves and gives herself over to Kluehnn’s faithful.

Ten years later, Rasha is living in the den, hoping to become a godkiller. Her request is finally granted, and she is assigned a burrow where she will compete against her fellow converts in a series of life-or-death trials.

The first trial weeds out most of the converts. Rasha makes her first kills, finds herself physically stronger than she expected, and survives. She is promoted from convert to neophyte. When Sheuan arrives and invokes her right to an advocate, Rasha is assigned to see to her needs, which takes time away from her training. Sheuan and Rasha travel to see the Queen of Rasha’s realm, and on the way, they form a tentative relationship, which is shattered when Sheuan eventually leaves her.

Rasha returns for the second trial. When she defends two of her cohort against the burrow’s bully, they agree to work with her. Their task: to retrieve a key from a dangerous creature in a cave system and escape. It’s a near thing on the second trial, but Rasha and her two allies are the only three from their burrow left standing.

There is one final trial. They must kill a god.

The den comes under attack. Rasha spares Hakara during the fight. Hakara kills this den’s aspect of Kluehnn.

Rasha disobeys Kluehnn and speaks to the god she’s sent to kill. What he says throws her into doubt. The gods do not want to take over the surface world; they merely want to live. Although she completes her final trial, Rasha has committed blasphemy. Neither of her cohort turn her in.

Mullayne

Mull seeks to follow Tolemne’s Path to the center of the hollow world, hoping the gods below will save the life of his chronically ill friend, Imeah. He’s invented filters that should allow them to descend below the aeroclines and not be poisoned by the magical air there. Imeah is ready to enjoy what’s left of her life, but Mull can’t let her go. On the descent, they discover some of Tolemne’s writing, carved into the wall.

Mull’s filters hold as they pass through the first aerocline. He sees the footprint of some creature, but he’s uncertain if it’s real. He does not mention it.

He reviews the documents he’s brought with him, comparing them to Tolemne’s writing. Something is off about their measurements. Just as he’s figuring it out, the camp is attacked by giant lizards. No one dies, but their food is half eaten. When Mull confesses that he saw a footprint, everyone is furious. They take a vote to leave or continue on. The vote is narrowly in favor of continuing.

The second aerocline layer is longer than Mull expected. His cave expert starts to act strange and then murders another of the crew. Her filters have failed. They are eventually able to subdue her, but this means their filters are all failing. Mull has spares, but there aren’t enough for everyone.

An argument ensues about whether they should continue or turn back. They continue on, but encounter a third aerocline. There shouldn’t be a third aerocline. Everything says there are only two. They sleep before venturing forth, and Mull awakens to find himself alone with his right-hand man and Imeah, his gear ransacked.

He insists on pushing on. This is the farthest anyone has been. They have to know. They have to see. They pass into the third aerocline and their filters immediately begin to fail. Mull and his friend get into a fight. Imeah helps him to kill his friend.

Now it’s just him and Imeah. Delirious, they find one last encampment, but this one looks like it’s incoming rather than outgoing. History says Tolemne died in the realm of the gods. Mull wants to continue, but Imeah convinces him to return to the surface or no one will know what they’ve discovered. And Imeah? She can think of worse ways to die than trying to make it to the realm of the gods. He’s given her the beautiful chance to see something new.

Mull finally lets her determine her own fate, and makes his way toward the surface.

Sheuan

Sheuan, Mull’s cousin, is in his workshop, wreaking mischief. She’s upping the price on some of his items so she can pocket the difference. While entertaining a guest, she stumbles upon the prototypes of Mull’s filters. She vaguely grasps the implications, but she’s late to the Sovereign’s party… which she hasn’t been invited to.

At the party, she searches for evidence that her father was framed for embezzlement. After maneuvering her way past multiple checkpoints, she is confronted by the Sovereign himself while she’s going through his study.

He’s impressed that she made it this far. She demands to know whether her father, the former trade minister, was framed, but the Sovereign says that doesn’t matter. Her father was executed. Information, even proof, is malleable. No one actually wishes to challenge the Sovereign’s rule.

He makes her an offer – would she like to redeem her family name? If she finds out why restored realms cut off trade and communication and stops it, he will give her the trade minister position. If she fails, he will dissolve her clan. He does not offer her any resources. Of course not.

Sheuan’s mother pressures her into taking the Sovereign’s offer. Sheuan must figure out a way to get past the barrier and go to Kashan.

With Mull’s filter, she’s able to make it through. But she’s lost the Sovereign’s seal, and the godkillers at the border turn her away. Desperate, she remembers Kluehnn’s precepts and invokes the right of sanctuary. They have to assign her an advocate. She is assigned Rasha. She begins her research by traveling to see the Kashani Queen, a trip during which Sheuan and Rasha become intimate.

Upon meeting the Queen, though, it is apparent that Kluehnn is in control and the Queen is a puppet. During a struggle with one of the priests, Sheuan is thrown into a pit of black smoke. Rasha rescues her.

Her return to Langzu doesn’t go as well as she’d hoped. She only has theories about why restored realms cut off trade. That’s not what the Sovereign asked for. So Sheuan leverages the only thing she has left: the filters. The Sovereign asks if the filters are used to protect from alteration or death during restoration.

Sheuan isn’t sure. Of course, she can’t get into contact with Mull to check – he’s off on his quest. But she has his notes. She reads through them, and notices feathers growing from her back, a souvenir from Kashan.

Theoretically, the filters could work to prevent alteration. They would be hoarded by the heads of the clans, doled out by the Sovereign to those who hoped to survive restoration. Unwilling to give this power over to him, Sheuan returns to Kashan, hoping to fulfill the original conditions of her bargain.

Failing to find any new information, she finally accepts that the only way to save her family is to give up the secret of the filters. She retrieves Mull’s journal and tosses his notes into the fire, determined to stop serving her family and to start using her gifts for herself. Her life is her own. And she must make decisions she can live with.

She meets with the Sovereign and assures him the filters protect from restoration. Her cousin has gone on an expedition and has not returned. He’s dead, which means she is the only one who knows how to make the filters. She will make them for him in return for a place at his side.

Nioanen

Nioanen’s story opens in the far past. He is one of the seven elder gods and is retreating from a battle against Kluehnn. His best friend is the shapeshifter god Irael. The retreating gods settle into a remote sanctuary on the surface world to regroup. They can sustain this if they just keep fighting Kluehnn off, if they just maintain their borders. Even so, Nioanen worries: will they all someday grow too tired to fight back? And then Irael curls at his side as a cat, tells him that he should rest, and he sleeps.

Years later, and Irael is still curling at his side as a cat to sleep, but does not creep away in the night. Nioanen finds he does not mind. There are fewer worshipers now and battle is in the air. One of the gods has refused to eat and has wasted away into a breeze. Don’t go that way, Nioanen begs Irael. Irael assures him he will not. Irael wraps one of his hands into Nioanen’s hair. Live, he tells him. And then he kisses him.

The battle is lost, their sanctuary taken. Nioanen and Irael are on the run. In spite of the danger, they agree to stay together. They settle into the human world. Irael is in a woman’s form, and she is pregnant. They are not the only refugee gods who have started a family. Irael notes that their child will be born on the surface, unknowing of their true home. Irael suggests the name Thassir and thinks their baby will have wings.

Thassir is born and grows into a child, and Irael brings news that others of their brethren have been hunted down. They’ve settled in for the night when they’re attacked by godkillers. Nioanen tells Irael to run with Thassir, and he’ll stay behind to fight them off.

Nioanen kills the two godkillers who attack, but then finds out there were more, and they’ve slain both Irael and Thassir. Nioanen wishes he were dead, but he promised Irael he would live. So he uses his magic to change himself, turning his wings black with the ashes of his loved ones and dulling his godly aura. Becoming Thassir.

The stars wheeled about in the sky as a bloody corpse covered me like a heavy, fleshy blanket. The only breathing I could hear was mine, which was good, because a moment ago, the beast I’d been fighting had been breathing as well – large, rasping breaths that filled the hot night air.

“Still with us?” Dashu’s face appeared above me. It was spinning too. As I blinked, his features began to align. Bronze skin, gently curved nose, dark eyes, high cheekbones. My gaze focused on the enamel flower hilt of his sword, the white blossoms as delicate as his blade was sharp.

I struggled to sit up, trying to shove the still-warm body off me. Soft, pale flesh gave way beneath my palms, antennae-like filaments brushing against my fingertips. But beneath that was a solid, weighty bulk. “Lithuas? Is she…”

“Escaped,” Dashu said.

The whole entire reason we’d gotten into this fight in the first place. “We need to go after her. Send scouts. Keep her in our sights.” I scanned the surrounding landscape and saw only the remnants of a battle long-since ended. She’d been right there. I remembered the smirk on her face.

He was shaking his head even before I’d finished speaking. “She’s a shapeshifter, Hakara. We tried. She’s long gone. I saw the aspect fall on you. Are you well?”

I sagged and then wiggled a little, mentally cataloging my injuries. “Still among the living. Didn’t pass out this time.”

He held out a hand to me and I took it. The world spun a little more as I righted myself, the earth beneath my feet crunching. Had a fair bit of it covering my clothes too, probably some in my hair.

“Don’t say that like it’s an accomplishment.” Alifra’s voice cut the night. She stood next to Dashu, her russet hair pulled into a bun, blood spattered on her boots. “There’s not as much cause for you to pass out when you’re not acting as our bruiser.”

Reflexively, I touched the patch I’d sewn over my heart. The two crossed swords. I knew what it looked like – as if her words had struck me in a way that pained. Maybe they did. This fight had been my idea, my fault. And we had nothing to show for it except the dead aspect and more injured Unanointed. I let my hand drop, lifting my chin. “We killed one of Kluehnn’s aspects, didn’t we?”

The second one since we’d raided the den at the border of Kashan. What a mess I’d made of things. Some leader I was proving to be.

Should have seen the ambush coming from the very beginning. But when Alifra and I had traveled to a nearby town to contact a woman in the Unanointed’s spy network, I’d spotted Lithuas there in the guise of Mitoran. She’d been at the market, asking after unearthed corestones. Was I supposed to leave her be? She’d used her shapeshifting abilities to take over the Unanointed, to subvert them to her cause and to Kluehnn’s. Using us to find corestones so he could enact restoration.

So I’d followed her, in spite of Alifra’s protests, and then I’d ordered my remaining Unanointed to attack. I could still see the smirk on Lithuas’s face as she’d turned to us on the road, as her gray hair had melted to silver and she’d drawn her sword. And then at a quirk of her finger, an aspect of Kluehnn and three godkillers had come roaring out from between two boulders.

She didn’t need to eliminate us. She only needed to weaken us. The fewer of us there were, the less chance we had of causing trouble. And she’d succeeded.

A figure at the edge of my vision leapt into the sky before my eyes could settle on him, black wings spread. Thassir still followed us, had still joined in the fray when we were in trouble, but I’d not spoken to him since he’d admitted he’d known what Lithuas and Kluehnn were planning. I could still feel his presence in my head, like someone had glued a string there and pulled it until it itched. I knew without asking that he’d been on the ground, waiting, wanting to be sure I wasn’t hurt before he returned to the skies.

As though he had some ownership, some right to me.

He should have told me everything when I’d discovered he was a god. He was the offspring of two of the most powerful elder gods. Which meant he was old, older than the rise and fall of kingdoms. I’d thought that if I ever met such a god, they would be grand, overpowering, like trying to gaze into the brightness of the sun.

Gazing at Thassir was like looking into the depths of a sinkhole.

He’d let Lithuas hide him from Kluehnn’s wrath, agreeing not to interfere with their plans. He’d kept to that terrible bargain, allowing realm after realm to be restored without ever lifting a hand or doing anything to stop it. And everyone had suffered for it.

Dashu wiped his blade clean and then sheathed it. Beyond him and Alifra, I saw three slain godkillers and the surviving Unanointed, already tending to their injured and their dead. Dashu exchanged a glance with Alifra before turning his attention back to me.

“The fight could have been worse for us. But it also could have been better, and we’ve lost two more people. What do you think we should do if we happen upon her again?”

Alifra tucked her small crossbow onto her back. “Will we be ready?”

Bah. I knew what they were getting at. All the subtlety of spitting camels, those two. Thassir could chew through godkillers when he was really into the swing of things, but Lithuas was one of the seven elder gods. You didn’t get much more powerful than that. We needed to kill her to truly cripple Kluehnn’s efforts. And to kill her, we needed to work together.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? Couldn’t use the god gems if my arbor wasn’t summoning aether for me to breathe in. And if I couldn’t use the god gems, I wasn’t a very good bruiser. Oh, I did my best. I was a mediocre fighter, hovering only a hair above poor by pure strength and determination. I had none of Alifra’s calculating smoothness, none of Dashu’s deadly grace. But I could take a beating and keep going.

I winced as I took a step. Seemed I hadn’t escaped completely unscathed. I was bruised as an overripe piece of fruit bounced off the back of a cart. With the god gems, I could move as quickly as a god, be as strong as one, obtain invulnerability for as long as I could hold my breath. And I could hold my breath a good long time. Even in a fight. It was what I’d trained for. “You want him to act as my arbor again.” They wouldn’t be asking me for this if they knew.

“You have to make a choice,” Dashu said. It was like they were flanking me, cornering me with their words. “Whatever happened between the two of you, you need to either break the bond and choose another arbor or reconcile with him.”

“I don’t like either of those choices.” In truth, I wasn’t sure which was the better one.

“You don’t have to like them,” Alifra snapped. She cast an arm toward the Unanointed, a few of whom were obviously trying to catch snatches of our conversation. “Your team is relying on you, but so are they. You want to lead them? Then lead. You can’t let personal feelings get in the way.”

I looked to the sky. Personal feelings seemed a light way to put it. I shook my head, leaning on my knees. And here I was, keeping Thassir’s identity secret – protecting him. Realms lost. Lives overturned. Could he have stopped all of that? He could have tried. “Ah, fuck it. It’s not just personal feelings.” I checked for listening ears and leaned in. “Thassir doesn’t have an aura, but he’s a god. He’s not an altered. I found out after the orchards. I saw his blood. It shimmered.”

They both stared at me.

“Do you understand why I might not want his help? Do you understand why I do?”

I watched all the implications filter through their minds, wondering if I’d looked as bewildered, betrayed, bereft. Alifra licked her lips. “Did he know about Lithuas?”

“Yes. She knew his parents. She spared him in exchange for him agreeing not to interfere with Kluehnn’s plans.”

I knew what they were thinking; I’d followed this path in my own mind. The gods were dangerous. They were selfish. They’d come to the surface world to take some piece of it for their own. I didn’t trust Kluehnn, but that didn’t mean I trusted the gods he fought against either. And a god who was this old, who’d chosen no side? How trustworthy could he be? He’d saved my life, he’d stood up to Lithuas when none of us had the strength. I couldn’t be sure he would do it again, if given another chance. Would he hesitate when we all needed him the most? As he had for so many years?

Dashu made a small sound of disgust. “Break the bond, Hakara. Find another arbor. He’s a god. We’re the Unanointed because we don’t follow Kluehnn. We don’t follow any god. The altered were once mortal. He never was.”

Alifra stared into the distance. “He knew. And he saved himself. Just think. Lithuas was right there within his reach. One stroke of a blade and he could have slowed restoration, thrown Kluehnn’s plans into chaos. He could have spared so many lives. My daughter…” She stopped, her voice choked with anger.

They were right, both of them. But that was in the past, and I had to consider the future.

“I don’t think he wants followers or wishes harm on us. He avoided us until I roped him into our schemes.”

“Maybe he’s just waiting for the right time,” Dashu said darkly.

“He’s old. Very old,” I said. “Terrible strategist if that’s true.”

Alifra walked away from us, pacing a circle before returning, her breath tight. We both waited as she gathered herself. “He could have helped people, but he chose to help himself instead. We may not know if he wants power, but we do know he’s a coward. Worst case, we’re letting a viper into our nest. Best case, we’re letting in someone who could abandon us at any moment but who could also be of immense help.”

“I don’t think he’s a viper,” I said softly, reluctantly.

Dashu looked between us both. “I can’t say I’m so sure.”

Alifra flexed her fists. I knew the feeling. Wished I could punch the big winged man myself. But he had saved us, in the end. She didn’t meet Dashu’s eyes when she spoke. “Aqqila has so many stories about the gods, and not all of them are bad. Didn’t Irael give that orator chance after chance when everyone else had given up on her? She became a queen. You tell me that one all the time.” Wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Dashu or herself.

He crossed his arms. “So you would welcome him back in spite of his lies. You’re fine with him being magically linked to Hakara and always knowing where we are.”

“I didn’t say that.” Alifra gave him an exasperated look. “Wouldn’t be placing bets on his loyalty to us outweighing his loyalty to her. Not when they’re face to face again. But he’s useful.”

I hefted my bloody spear, the one I’d driven into the eye of Kluehnn’s aspect. Felt a little bit less alone, seeing my struggle reflected in them. “Now you see where I’m at. We need him, but we can’t trust him. Any help he chooses to give us right now, I haven’t asked him for.” I remembered the way we moved together, the way he always seemed to know where I was going, how he drew the aether right to where I needed it.

There was a part of me that wished he’d make the first move instead of lingering at the edges as though afraid of my reproach. If only he’d say the words that would make me understand, that would help me forgive him.

I didn’t know what those words were. If they existed at all.

Dashu tapped the enamel hilt of his sword, his jaw set as he looked to the skies. “Talk to him. Decide what we can trust him with. Our choices are not good and Lithuas is still out there.”

I sighed. “I’ll talk to him once we find a spot to rest.”

I left them there as I moved through the Unanointed, doing my best to offer reassuring, encouraging words. What would Utricht have said? He’d been my arbor before Thassir, and had always seemed to know what to say. He’d made me feel comfortable after only a few days, and that was feat enough as it was. I wasn’t him, but the Unanointed seemed to appreciate my words. Our ranks were diminished even more now. Seventeen after this fight.

We stopped at the edge of a stunted grove of trees and set up the tents. I could feel Alifra and Dashu’s eyes on me, four sharp little prods that pushed me to keep my word. Thassir landed just out of view when the last fire was down to embers. And I was still awake, and I wasn’t a coward, so I set my jaw, took a lantern, and went to the edge of camp.

Looking at him directly, this close, was a shock. He didn’t look any different from the last time we’d spoken, and maybe I’d built him up in my head to be more frightening. He stood on the fringes, twenty paces away from the last tent on the perimeter, his large black wings tucked around his body, his mouth in a permanent frown. He was carrying his own pack of supplies, though he had no blanket or bedroll. Not like he needed them with his wings and this unexpected heat. A few small spatterings of rain were all we’d seen of the end of summer.

I found my gaze drawn involuntarily to his mouth. Generous, but not overly so, the gentle curves I’d once thought I’d seen tip into a smile. Those selfsame lips had pressed to mine back in Kluehnn’s den, had breathed aether from beyond the third aerocline into my lungs. The soft touch of them, the fire that had joined the one already burning through my veins. The feel of his hands at my back and my neck, gentle and firm. He’d kissed me, and I’d kissed him right back. I’d wanted him, with a desperation that had surprised me.

Then again, I’d been dying and halfway out of my mind. Everything had looked hazy, draped in gold, Thassir’s sword somehow engulfed in silver flames.

Now I wasn’t dying, and nothing between us felt right. “I need your help scouting the way to the mines.”

Thassir was wearing the arbor patch Dashu had made him in the same spot I wore my bruiser one, mirrored, like we were two different views of the same person. He lifted a foot like he was going to take a step closer, and then decided better of it. “I can do that. Hakara…”

I closed my eyes, as though that would somehow shield me against his words. I wasn’t sure why hearing him say my name felt like a shard of glass between my ribs. Always with the accents in the right places. How could I have missed it? The gods seemed to know – every language and who spoke which. “Don’t… don’t give me platitudes. What you did was wrong. Or what you didn’t do, really.”

“Yes.”

I let out a little breath, glad at least that he’d not moved on to excuses. I wasn’t sure I could have borne that. But where did we go from here? I wasn’t sure. “You should have told me. You should have told me everything.”

His voice was a velvet whisper. “Are you sure?”

What would I have done, if he had? I’d have turned from him. I wouldn’t have had his help in the den. But I’d deserved the truth from him. I’d known he was a god and I’d been willing to let that go. I’d been willing to get past it. But this? Doing nothing while Lithuas schemed? “I don’t know.”

I opened my eyes and stared into his, wishing we could communicate silently, the way Alifra and Dashu seemed to. I needed so much more from him, but I could sense he wanted something from me too, something I was unable to give, and we stood there like two islands across a stretch of ocean. No way to bridge the gap.

“I can find Lithuas for you, if you want me to. I can’t explain why, but we – she…” He stopped, leaning his head back as if he could tip the words back down his throat. “If I’m near to her when she uses magic, when she shifts, I can sense her.” He stretched it out to me like a peace offering.

I lifted my hands. I had no godkilling blade, nor a god’s powers to kill another god. “Would you kill her, if we found her?”

Thassir stayed silent, and when he finally spoke, his voice was a low rumble. “All you have to do is ask.”

All the fear came crashing in. I wasn’t meant for this, being a leader, being needed by so many people. I’d never made wise decisions; I’d only ever made decisions I’d thought would lead me back to Rasha. I licked my lips, my mouth dry. “We should break the bond.”

“If that’s what you want,” he said, his voice even.

Some treacherous part of me didn’t want that at all. Some treacherous part of me wondered what it would be like if I stretched out a hand, if I led him to my tent, to my bed. I wondered if he would let me. The world was going to shit, why not try? Would I think about his eyes and the press of his mouth while he was moving inside me, or would I think about the way he’d stood aside and let countless people be slaughtered?

And then what? Would it be like it was with Altani, my old mining partner? Just two broken people trying to use small moments to deny bigger problems? What was the point?

I reached for him anyways, because what was I if not a fool who never learned her lesson? To my surprise, he flinched back. It gutted something inside me, a spoon plunging in and scraping away, leaving a hollow, painful sensation.

I swallowed, trying to push past the feeling, to pretend it hadn’t happened. “Get us to the mining camp tomorrow. Get us there safely. And then find me Lithuas.”