How to Deal with Feeling Offended
The holidays are here. And with them, warm drinks, warm hugs, and heated family gatherings. Yes, you read that right. Whether it’s your aunt who makes sure everyone knows her opinion, your sister-in-law who tries to one-up you on everything, or your grandmother’s casual judgment, someone will say something that will feel like a punch in the gut. Maybe you are, in fact, feeling excited. Or maybe your excitement is matched with a little anxiety over who will lobby that first offense.
Can you relate?
It’s easy to get lost in all the feels—especially at the holidays. But here’s the truth: offense is going to happen, whether you like it or not. And you don’t have to live angry or bitter when this particular grinch shows up. To preserve the holidays (and your mental and emotional health), Chari Orozco offers a blueprint for honoring your feelings without getting lost in them, drawing from none other than the life and challenges of Jesus—the One these holidays are all about.
Here are some helpful insights on how to deal with feeling offended.
- First, know who holds the power. Hint: it’s not the person slinging the offense.
“The biggest lie about offense is that the… offender holds the power,” writes Chari. “But you hold the power to forgive. You hold the power to see the moment as something God is using to grow your zeal and focus your passion [toward Jesus.]
“In the practical sense, this looks like forgiving the person, even if they don’t believe they were wrong,” continues Chari. Emotionally, it means recognizing that bitterness and frustration are tools the enemy uses to keep you angry and to forget your peace and your purpose.
Protect your purpose. Know that you hold the power.
- Second, see the offense as an opportunity to refocus your motives.
During his ministry, Jesus encountered a good deal of offense. People watched, questioned, and sometimes pointed fingers. “Hurting people have a tendency to focus on what you’re not doing and miss all the good you are doing,” notes Chari.
When you are offended, it may be hard to understand the motives of the offender. But you can unpack your own motive: “Your goal is to love. To be love and to produce love.”
“Jesus was okay that people took offense at the things he did, because he understood their motives as broken and His motive [as His purpose.]”
You may not understand their need or desire to offend. But that’s okay. “The only heart and mind you can change is your own. The only passion you can surrender is your own. The only words you can change are your own.” Take a minute and refocus. Unpack your motives. Because, as Chari reminds: “God is big enough to handle everyone else’s.”
- Third, don’t allow the offense to consume you.
“You can’t control offense, but you can control living offended. Jesus combatted offense by living a life of sacrifice and love and surrender. If you want to combat offense, you must surrender [to your purpose] the way Jesus did. This allows you to see people’s motives and respond with love.
“If you are easily offended, check what you are passionate about and entrusted with and ask yourself, ‘have I fully surrendered this task to God?’
If you haven’t, do it today. Don’t waste another day—or holiday—living offended.
Want to dig into these ideas more? Read chapter 7 of I Cry in Corners: Embracing Your Feelings, Throat-Punching Anxiety, and Managing Your Emotions Well.
Want to keep reading? Buy I Cry in Corners TODAY!
It’s easy to get lost in all the feels. But what if you viewed your emotions as a gift to use as a catalyst for deep spiritual growth?
Our emotions drive so much of what we do, say, and think, even if we don’t realize it. Our response to our feelings—denying they exist, letting them lead our actions unchecked, distracting ourselves to avoid feeling them—can greatly impact our lives and those around us. Emotions are essential for everyday life, but how we navigate them in the storms of life will make or break us.
In I Cry in Corners, pastor Chari Orozco takes the readers through the life of Jesus, examining the powerful emotional tests he faced and how he responded, from his terror in the Garden of Gethsemane to his righteous anger in the temple to his disappointment when those he loved best betrayed him.
In each chapter, Chari gives readers both practical and spiritual wisdom to help them respond to emotions like Jesus did, such as:
- How do we steward our emotions when those closest people fail us? We turn around and wash the feet of the ones we love.
- How do we face temptation? We refuse to get hangry, resist the devil, and remember that our value lies not in what we have but how we love.
- How do we steward our emotions with maturity when the hurt we’ve suffered comes from those who claim to know and love Jesus? We do what Jesus did: choose our words wisely, keep our eyes on the joy set before us, and, if necessary, flip over some tables.
Written with a wry, straight-talking, irreverent but always faithful tone, Chari effortlessly weaves together stories of the New Testament with her own insightful, humorous, and refreshingly candid anecdotes.
Our feelings are a gift from God, and through the life and struggles of Jesus, we find a blueprint for honoring your feelings without getting lost in them.
