Dumb Men Joke Book - Volume I

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By Jim Mullen

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$4.99

Price

$6.99 CAD

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ebook (Digital original)

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ebook (Digital original) $4.99 $6.99 CAD

This item is a preorder. Your payment method will be charged immediately, and the product is expected to ship on or around September 26, 2009. This date is subject to change due to shipping delays beyond our control.

This uproarious collection pokes fun at the unfairer sex with 300 hilarious jokes and put-downs. Volume I of Jim Mullen’s hilarious series.

Excerpt

Copyright

WARNER BOOKS EDITION

Copyright © 1992 by Jim Mullen

All rights reserved.

Warner Books, Inc.

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

First eBook Edition: October 2009

ISBN: 978-0-446-56789-3




Acknowledgments

I'd like to thank the following men for providing the raw material for this book: Dan Quayle, Ted Kennedy, all professional wrestlers, all men named Junior and Bubba, all Congressmen, the old boy network, the Tailhook Society, and hard hats everywhere.




How can you tell when a man has insomnia?

He keeps waking up every few days.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

What's the thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. Men will screw anything.

How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?

"I'll get it."

What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?

"It's my turn."

What are three little words you'll never hear a man say?

"Can I help?"

What's a man's idea of foreplay?

Whistling.

What do you call a man with a vasectomy?

A humanitarian.

A man walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter. The dial goes to 60. The man says, "Damn, I lost 100 pounds."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

—Gloria Steinem

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

A man saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry."

So he moved there.

Why is it a good thing that there are female astronauts?

So someone will ask directions if they get lost.

I know a man with two hundred books and no bookcase.

I guess no one would lend him a bookcase.

A man comes home and says to his wife, "Someone showed me an amazing device that sews buttons right on clothes."

The wife says, "That's great—what is it?"

The man says, "A needle and thread."

What's the difference between an attractive woman and a proctologist?

A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

Why don't men eat more M & M's?

They're too hard to peel.

"My doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old girl," a woman tells her husband.

"What did he say about your thirty-five-year-old ass?" says the man.

"I don't believe we talked about you," she replies.

What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?

Gifted.

What did one congressman say to the other?

What page are you on?

They asked a man at the pizza parlor if he wanted his pizza cut into four pieces or eight pieces.

Genre:

On Sale
Sep 26, 2009
Page Count
48 pages
ISBN-13
9780446567893