Forty Beads

Forty Beads is all about The Forty Beads Method—what it is, why it works, and exactly how to use it to create lasting, positive changes in your relationship. In a nutshell, The Forty Beads Method is a sweet little token system that gets rid of all that nasty negative tension that builds up around sex (specifically, the frequency with which it does or does not occur) and replaces it with the sex life you always thought you should have, which in turn creates the relationship you've always wanted. It works by magically harnessing that easy feeling of connectedness that follows a roll in the hay and using that energy to continually benefit your relationship.

Who knew this was possible? Not me. I didn't set out to discover a whole new way of approaching sex in my marriage. The Method evolved as I back-pedaled on my ridiculous offer to give my husband 40 straight days of sex for his 40th birthday. He was concerned about missing days if he pulled a hamstring or something, and I really wasn't sure I had the stamina it would take to go that kind of distance with the deed. So instead of 40 straight days of sex, he got 40 tokens—Beads, actually—each one good for one roll in the hay. That's how it all started, and it's changed our lives—for the better and in a big way. The Beads have even changed how I feel about sex. The Forty Beads Method creates a situation where, for the first time in our marriage, my husband and I are on the same page sexually. Bet you didn't think that was a possibility, did you? Well, it is.

I have a big mouth, and of course I told all my friends about it. Some were immediately intrigued and wanted to get Beading right away. Others were horrified at first but came around to the idea over time after seeing the difference it has made in my marriage. Then I started thinking, why Bead in a vacuum? I already had all these solo Beaders out there checking in with me on a regular basis. Why not get women Beading in groups? It started with a local Bead club in my hometown and has expanded from there. Women getting together, drinking wine, laughing, and supporting each other as they deepen their relationships using The Forty Beads Method.

There are some specific rules of Beading that I call "The Forty Beads Creed" along with some important do's and don'ts, but really, The Forty Beads Method is fun, simple to use, and it produces profound, lasting results. This book offers a new angle on something you already know—that sex is a critical ingredient in the recipe of a successful marriage—and a creative approach for pulling it to the front burner of your marital cooktop. Forty Beads does not dispense advice on the actual deed. (Plenty of other books do that.) It's all about getting you to the sheets (not about what you do once you get there) and, in the process, developing the kick-ass marriage you deserve.

The Forty Beads Method is for you if you love your husband (I'm going to use the word "husband" throughout this book, but feel free to substitute life partner, lover, UPS man—whatever) and want to stay married to him, but you maybe don't like him very much lately or the like comes and goes (a lot). The Forty Beads Method is for you if you have this nagging feeling that things could be way better, that your relationship is missing something, and/or you're an American Idol junkie who stays up much later than your husband to see which wannabe rocker will flash in the pan next. The Forty Beads Method is definitely for you if your husband walks around with one eyebrow at an angle and forms a full-on "V" when he looks at you, but you can't figure out why he's so pissed since there's really no time for sex—what with doing laundry, taking care of the kids, and making dinner. Here's a hint, ladies: The house can be a total wreck and the baby shirtless in a sagging wet diaper, but if he's getting laid regularly, he's cool with it. All of it. Because there's one thing that's more important to your husband than everything else combined, multiplied by ten and raised to the fourth power: SEX.

The Forty Beads Method is not for you if you're committed to the status quo and have little or no interest in change. The Forty Beads Method is not for you if your husband is your soul's twin and he gets you all the time, without exception, and you never experience any confusion, anger, or guilt associated with sex. By the way, if that's your situation, you two make up part of the .0002% of all relationships. You have uncovered the Holy Grail of couplehood, that which the rest of us dream about and bust our asses trying to achieve. I'd just like to say, from all of us who haven't gotten there yet, "Congratulations. Oh, and we hate you." Finally, The Forty Beads Method is not for you if you're married to a complete asshole or a total douche bag. It happens. Find a different book, and get out as quick as you can.

When you read my story, you'll understand how The Forty Beads Method evolved quite organically. I'm a town crier of sorts and not easily convinced of much, so if I find something that works, whether it's hair gel or yoga pants that suck my butt in and up, I want everybody to know about it. I wrote this book because I just had to tell you. Because I suspect that what works for me, my friends, and my fellow Beaders just might do the trick for you, too.

In Part 1, I'll tell you the story of how I stumbled across 40 Venetian beads that changed my life and my marriage in a big way. The rest of the book will be all about The Forty Beads Method. I'm a fan of books with crystallized nugget chapters, and I want Forty Beads to be something you can read a chapter of while waiting in the carpool line and then shove between the seats when the kids get in the car. So, over the course of 40 short chapters, I'll explain all the reasons why The Forty Beads Method works, how it works, and what you can expect if you decide to get the Beads working for you. I'm going to assume that you're a little like me and at first blush will be somewhat freaked out by what these 40 Beads represent. That's okay, but hear me out in Part 2 (Sex: The Deal) on what I believe snags a lot of marriages and why it really is a big deal. I figure you'll probably want some hard facts—maybe even some scientific data—to back up what I'm putting out there, so Part 3 (Just the Facts, Ma'am) is full of that. In Part 4 (Sex as Commerce), I'll explain how sex in a marriage acts a lot like a commodity and why The Forty Beads Method isn't such a crazy idea. Part 5 (Getting Your Bead On) is the how-to portion of the book—it's all about getting busy with the Beads and the rules of fair play. In Part 6 (The Beadefits), I'll explain why The Forty Beads Method really is worth the trouble and tell you all about the big shift that happens from the moment you put your Beads into action. Because I didn't think you should just take my word for it, throughout the book I've included the experiences of my fellow Beaders—amusing anecdotes, white-knuckle moments, and reasons why they believe in the power of the Bead.