Dog Diaries: Happy Howlidays

UGH! It’s one of the worst words ever, and I heard it WAY TOO MANY TIMES this summer.

Yep… if you’ve not read Book One in my totally lick-a-rific series, you missed out on hearing all about how I had to endure the nightmarish… the no-tummy-rubs-or-treats-ish… PERFECT POOCH OBEDIENCE SCHOOL FOR DOGS.

It was awful, my person-pal! There were moments back in those classes at the Hills Village dog park when I felt sure I was a goner. I thought my brain was going to melt into a big blob of Meaty-Giblet-Jumble-Chum and ooze out of my ears, IT WAS SOOOOOO BORING!!

Imagine it! A poor pooch like me being stuck with Iona Stricker and her pampered poodle, having to roll over, sit down, and play dead, when I should have been chasing raccoons and sniffing around the jungle gym with my bestest mutt-mates.

“WHAT A WAY TO SPEND YOUR SUMMER, JUNIOR!” I hear you say.…

But don’t you fret, my furless friend. You didn’t think I gave in to old Stricty-Pants Stricker, did you?

NEVER!!

I sure showed her. I don’t want to give too much away, but it was me who walked away from the annual DEBONAIR DANDY-DOG SHOW with a year’s supply of dog food and not Stricker’s prim and proper princess-poodle Duchess. But I’m not gonna tell you how…

Ha ha! I wish you could have been there, my friend, it was TERRIFIC! But I couldn’t have done any of it without the help of my best-best-BESTEST pet human, Ruff Catch-A-Doggy-Bone.

Just look at that face. I swear, I adore all you BRILLIANT humans, but there’s nobody in the whole world that makes me wag my tail and perform a Happy Dance like Ruff. He’s the greatest pet a dog like me could wish for.

Anyway… where was I? Ah yes, I’d say that’s about enough snuffling down memory lane for now. We’re already on page twelve and there’s SO much more I need to tell you about.

You see, crazy things have been happening around Hills Village. REALLY WEIRD THINGS!!

I mean it, my person-pal. You won’t believe your ears when I tell you what’s been going on.

Are you now ready to dive in, snout-first?

Okay… don’t forget to bring some treats and maybe a chew toy in case you need a few breaks along the way. I promise to tell you all the good bits and I won’t leave any of it out.

Here we go!!

Tuesday

Now, I don’t know what you and your human families like to get up to in your home towns, but here in Hills Village things get real strange toward the end of the year when everything gets colder.

I’d heard about all this weird stuff before, but with all the chaos and business of obedience classes (YUCK!!) over the summer, it had completely slipped my mutt-mind.

It wasn’t until a few days ago when I was minding my own business, chewing a Twisty-Chum-Chomper-Stick that I’d hidden in the Picture Box Room, that I heard Mom-Lady talking to Grandmoo on the chatty-ear-stick…

The Howliday Season!

It couldn’t be true, could it? The fabled human howlidays of myth and legend?!

Oooh, I should probably explain myself…

A quick history…

Let’s go back to my days at the Hills Village Dog Shelter, or, as us mutts like to call it, “POOCH PRISON”: Me and my four-legged friends were stuck in a cage right next to Old Mama Mange. She was very, very, very, very, very old and had been behind bars for as long as anyone could remember—practically a squillion centuries when you think about it in dog years.

Anyway… late at night, when the warden had nodded off in front of the picture box in his office, Old Mama Mange would hobble up to the bars and tell us the most amazing stories from her life before she ended up in the slobbering slammer… the canine clink!

All her stories were most excellent, but there was one she’d jabber on about more than any other…

None of us ever really believed her, but now there I was, overhearing my own Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack talking about THE HOWLIDAY SEASON!

Have you ever heard of anything as exciting as a whole season for howling?!?! Well, I hadn’t!

I could barely stop myself from leaping into a Happy Dance right there on the Picture Box Room rug!

If everything Old Mama Mange had said was completely true, the Howliday Season was the biggest and best of all the human howlidays, and that’s saying something. The people of Hills Village LOVE ’EM! They have so many, it’s hard to count on all four paws.

I’m not even joking, my furless friend! I got a good look at Mom-Lady’s calendar on the Food Room wall once and it was practically stuffed with howlidays of all sorts.

Don’t believe me? I’ll tell you…

The year starts with NEW EARS DAY.

Then there’s MARTIN LUTHER KING CHARLES CAVALIER’S BIRTHDAY. I’m not sure who he was, but he seems like one important spaniel.

There’s GEORGE WASHY-TONGUE’S BIRTHDAY… the lickiest President there ever was.

In the summer there’s INKY-PEN-DANCE DAY! This is a real big party. It’s a special howliday for scribbling all over the walls, then celebrating with enormous flashy sky-bangers! Us pooches are terrified of them, but the humans of Hills Village can’t get enough.

AND THEN…

TA-DAA! We get to the best of them all! THE HOWLIDAY SEASON!!

The biggest and most bark-tastic part of the year…

Old Mama Mange told us so many stories about Fangsgiving and Critter-Mess Day and it all sounds SO much fun. A howliday where you get brand-new teeth, followed by one filled with nothing but making a giant mess stuffing your face with delicious snacks like CANINE CRISPY CRACKERS?!?!

BLISS!!!

Wednesday

I can barely contain my excitement, my person-pal. It’s all coming true!