The Original Inspirational Bathroom Book

Copyright © 2006 by GRQ, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Originally published by Starburst Publishers under the title The Little Inspirational Bathroom Bible Book.

Scripture quotations noted CAVE are from The Contemporary English Version.

Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted NABS are from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lock man Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted NIB are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Bondservant Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted KNAVE are from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. All rights reserved.

Manuscript prepared by W. B. Freeman Concepts, Inc., Tulsa, Oklahoma

Warner Faith

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017,

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com.

Warner books and the "W" logo are trademarks of Time Inc. or an affiliated company. Used under license by Hachette Book Group, which is not affiliated with Time Warner Inc.

First eBook Edition: April 2009

ISBN: 978-0-446-56020-7

BIBLE ODDITIES

Over the years our fascination with the Bible has taken some odd turns in printing and use:

The World's Smallest Bible

Less than one-fourth-inch thick and containing 838,380 letters on its 520 pages, this tiny Bible is about one-third the size of a postage stamp. It required four years to complete, and is parchment-bound and sewn with silk thread. The Bible was printed in 1895 by David Bryce & Son, Glasgow.

The Vinegar Bible

In 1716 an edition of the Bible was printed in England with the headline "The Parable of the Vinegar." It should have read "The Parable of the Vineyard" (Luke 20:9–18). Rare-book collectors have paid amazing sums for copies of "The Vinegar Bible."

Thou Salt?

One printing of the Bible omitted the word not from one of the Ten Commandments. Most of the copies of this Bible were destroyed, but a few remain. In those still existing, Exodus 20:14 reads, "Thou salt commit adultery."

AT THE CENTER OF IT ALL

Consider These Questions and Answers:

The next time a person tells you that he wants to be in the center of God's perfect will for his life, direct him to the very center of God's Word—which is God's will for our lives. Psalm 118:8 (NABS) says: "It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man."

Trusting God is at the heart of knowing God and doing what God says to do. It is at the heart of believing and obeying. When there is nothing left but trusting God, you discover that trusting God is all that is required.

BORN-AGAIN SPIN-OFFS

It seems as though everything and everyone are born again. A restaurant changes its menu, and it's labeled "born-again." A man changes jobs, and his career is "born again."

The first time "born again" appears in the Bible is in John 3:3 when Jesus talks to Nicodemus. Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" (NIB).

Like a movie that generates a bunch of sequels, the term "born again" is constantly being born again. Here are some other uses:

  Born Again ™—a trademarked line of skin creams

 Born-Again Boards—makers of surfboards and other handcrafted wood products

 Born Again Used Books—a store in Colorado Springs

 Born Again Records—the third biggest independent gospel record label in the United States

 Born Again—a CD title with explicit lyrics by the Notorious B.I.G.

 Born Again Card™  Recycling Program—turns Christmas cards into ornaments

 Born Again Motorcycles, Inc.—a store that sells used parts for vintage cycles

 Born Again Creations—a company that produces one-of-a-kind dolls and other collectibles

 Born Again Bears—a company that recycles furs into teddy bears

______________

Source: Lin Johnson, John: God's Word for the Biblically-Inept™ (Lancaster, PA: Starburst Publishers, 2000), 33.

UNDER HIS WINGS

Several years ago National Geographic magazine described an incident that occurred in the aftermath of a forest fire that razed much of Yellowstone National Park.

As forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the damage, a ranger found a bird literally petrified in the ashes. It was perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened at the eerie sight, a ranger knocked over the bird with a stick. As he did so, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings.

This loving mother bird, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety, but she had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze arrived and the heat scorched her small body, she remained steadfast. Because she was willing to die, those under the cover of her wings lived.

The psalmist wrote this about God: "He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall find refuge" (Psalm 91:4 KNAVE).

God has loved you so much that he gave his only begotten Son to die in your place, that you might live (see John 3:16).

LIGHTBULB-CHANGING TECHNIQUES

How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholics: None. Candles only, please.

Baptists: At least 16. One to change the lightbulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four of his wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your lightbulb for the next service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a lightbulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice.

Nazarenes: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. We don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a lightbulb?

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! PART 1

CONSTRUCTION PROJECT STALLS, FOREMAN STYMIED

Today's events in Babylonia left many scratching their heads, not least of all the foreman of a massive building project at the heart of the city.

"It was the craziest thing," said "Jobe," who declined to give his real name.

"A bunch of us moved here a little while back and decided it looked like a great place to settle down. We all know about that flood, and we figured it'd be safer to hang together.

"Well, we started baking bricks to build ourselves a nice city, and someone, I don't remember who, said, 'Why don't we build a tower that reaches all the way to heaven? Then we can knock on God's door and say hi!' We all laughed at first, but then we said, 'Oh, why not? Let's see how high we can make this thing!'

"The work was going great," Jobe said before lapsing into silence, a confused look on his face. "I asked one of the crew to hand me a brick, and he just stared at me. Then he started talking, but I have no idea what he said. It sounded like gibberish. That's when I realized that I couldn't understand what hardly anyone was saying anymore."

Jobe looked down at the ground and kicked the dirt with the toe of his sandal.

"We're moving on," he said with a sigh. "We're going back to my wife's family's place. Of course, my mother-in-law is going to say, 'I told you so!'"

From the number of people on the road today, it looks as if Jobe's family is just one of many leaving Babylonia because of this unexplained breakdown in communication. Attempts to interview other city dwellers failed, due to language difficulties.

Construction of the tower, now referred to as "Babel," has been halted. Officials would not say—or, more accurately, could not be understood to say—when construction might resume. (For more on this story, read Genesis 11:1–9.)

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! PART 2

LIONS SLEEP TONIGHT, MAN LIVES

In what is being billed as a narrow escape from certain death, a young Judahite named Daniel emerged today from a den of hungry lions with "nary a scratch on him," as one witness described the young administrator for King Darius. How Daniel came to be consigned to this punishment in the first place is a matter of debate.

Friends of Daniel say he was set up by jealous satraps—officials in the Persian Empire who are required to report to the king's three administrators. Rumor has it that the king planned to put the exceptionally talented Daniel over the whole kingdom, which infuriated both the satraps and the other two administrators and led them to try to dig up some dirt on the king's obvious favorite. The satraps and administrators, in the hours before dawn, claimed they were only trying to pay homage to the king when they asked him to make a law that said all the people had to pray only to the king for a period of 30 days, and not to any other god, under penalty of being tossed to the lions.

The king's media director said the palace had no comment on the law, except to confirm that Darius did indeed sign it.

Daniel freely admits that in spite of the law, he continued to kneel and pray to his God three times a day, and that he was caught in the act by the king's men.

An interior designer who wishes to remain anonymous speculated that new window treatments in Daniel's apartment may have prevented the whole mess. Sources say that Darius tried to find a way to exempt Daniel from the law, but was unsuccessful.

At the moment when Daniel was thrown into the den of bloodthirsty carnivores, the king was heard to shout, "May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you!"

It was the king himself who returned to the den at dawn today to determine Daniel's fate. He and others on the scene were shocked when Daniel called out that an angel of his God "shut the mouths of the lions" and kept him from harm.

The lions did not go hungry. Daniel's accusers, along with their wives and children, became the beasts' next meal.

Darius has made no secret of the fact that he now believes in the God of Daniel. Separation of church and state is at an all-time low.

(Read more about this story in Daniel 6:3–27.)

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! PART 3

LOAF OF BREAD DOOMS TROOPS

Those rascally Midianites, who have been treating the Israelites like dirt for the past seven years, finally got their comeuppance last week.

Reports from the field tell us that a man named Gideon used a ridiculously small army of 300 men to deliver a knockout punch to the enemy, without even breaking a sweat.

Inside sources revealed that Gideon and his servant, Purah, sneaked into the Midianite camp one night and overheard a soldier describing a dream he'd had in which a loaf of barley bread figured prominently. No other details were given. "It's a sign that we're going to get squashed like bugs!" the soldier cried, which greatly heartened the eavesdropping duo.

Of course, it took more than bread to win this battle. Gideon continued his unorthodox ways, equipping his men with trumpets, empty jars, and torches and sending them out at night. With shouts of "For the Lord and for Gideon!" this ragtag "army" struck fear in the hearts of the Midianites who, in great confusion, started stabbing each other with their swords. Those who survived the frenetic slashing ran away, only to be pursued by men from several of Israel's twelve tribes.

Gideon's father, Joash, was not known for his musical ability, so the source of Gideon's trumpet technique remains a mystery. (For more on this story, read Judges 7:7–25.)

GRACE FOR ICE CREAM

A woman took her children to a restaurant, and her six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. He prayed, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert! And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with laughter from other customers, a woman nearby remarked, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.

"Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, the boy burst into tears. "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As the mother assured her son that he had done a terrific job, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at the six-year-old and said, "I happen to know God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" the boy asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied. He nodded toward the critical woman and whispered, "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." When the mother bought her children ice cream for dessert, her son did not eat his sundae right away. He stared at it for a moment, and then without a word he picked it up, walked over, and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he said, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

TOUCHING LIVES

The story line of the original Touched by an Angel television pilot was about an angel watching over children whose destinies were in danger. Roma Downey played the angel of mercy, a deceased human who had returned to earth. Della Reese and Michael Pollard were cast in the original script, which had all the angels at odds with one another.

As an employee of CBS in 1994, Martha Williamson was asked to critique the pilot show of Touched by an Angel. Williamson was critical of the first show. She left CBS shortly after, but the Angel script stayed in her mind. She made it a matter of prayer—and asked friends to join her in this prayer effort—to determine if she was to have anything to do with the program. She got an opportunity to interview with CBS to be the executive producer of the Angel show and landed the job on the spot.

Asking Difficult Questions

She changed the entire premise of the show, but Williamson wanted to work with the original cast, including Della Reese and Roma Downey. In Williamson's version, angels weren't going to be "fairies flapping their wings" but messengers of God, a "God who had to be reckoned with." She said, "We have to ask the hard questions every week. 'If God is good, then why did my baby die?' 'Why did my marriage end?' 'Where was God when I needed him?' We had to meet head-on the inevitable criticism that faith is a cop-out to avoid dealing with reality, that belief in God is the opiate of the masses. Instead, faith is the most powerful weapon we have."

Angel Works

Just as she thought, that premise worked and appealed to an enthusiastic audience. Angel became the first overtly religious drama to break into the Nielsen's Top 10 rating during the 46-year history of the ratings service. The popular show lasted nine seasons.

Della Reese, who played the part of the angel Tess, often reflected her own perspective in the character that she played. "The humans we touch have to churn their own butter," she said.

"Tess, Monica, and Andrew don't come to fix people in trouble. They come to teach them how to fix themselves. They provide assistance for people at a crossroads. If people see the hope, see that life is not all about oppression, depression and suppression, and have their eyes opened, they can become their own miracle."

A "God Thing"

Della Reese also believes the program was a "God thing." In her book Touched by an Angel, Williamson tells about the time she and Reese were getting their physical exams for insurance coverage before they began shooting the show.

Della Reese refused to sign the insurance papers. When asked why she wouldn't, she explained that in the blank where it asked for "anticipated length of employment," it said six episodes. Reese refused to sign the form until the anticipated length of employment was changed. Reese believed God had brought them together to do this show and that it would last longer than the specified six.

A FRESH LOOK AT PSALM 23

Have you ever thought or looked at this favorite psalm in this way?

(Psalm 23 KJV)

WRUNKEN

In the sixteenth century, Philip II ordered the execution of all Protestants found reading the Bible in their own language.

While inspecting the house of the mayor of Brugge (a city in Belgium), the Inquisitors found a Bible. The mayor's family members claimed to know nothing about the Bible.

Finally the officials asked a young maidservant, Wrunken. She boldly said, "I am reading it!" The mayor, knowing the penalty, defended her: "Oh, no, she only owns it. She doesn't read from it."