Not To People Like Us

Hidden Abuse In Upscale Marriages


By Susan Weitzman

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This item is a preorder. Your payment method will be charged immediately, and the product is expected to ship on or around August 16, 2001. This date is subject to change due to shipping delays beyond our control.

This important book brings the ignored population of abused upper-income women to light, revealing for the first time the depth and severity of “upscale abuse”

How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community, run a successful business and regularly give his wife a black eye? That we can even ask these startling questions proves how convinced we are that domestic abuse is restricted to the lower classes.

In “Not to People Like Us” psychotherapist Susan Weitzman dramatically challenges this assumption. It is the first book to explore a previously overlooked population of emotionally and physically battered wives-the upper-educated and upper-income women, who rarely report abuse and remain trapped by their own silence. Weitzman draws on an in-depth study to document the shocking nature and incidence of abuse among the wives of professors, physicians and CEOs-many of them professionals and executives themselves. With keen insight and profound sensitivity, she reveals the unique path taken by the upscale wife-the early warning signs, the dilemmas and decisions, the dangerous desire to cover up and maintain appearances.

The first book to condemn the legal and social service system for failing to recognize domestic violence among upper-income families, “Not to People Like Us” offers crucial information to help women find their way out of abusive relationships and toward safety and independence.


  • "Weitzman provides excellent practical advice for these women to make choices that extricate them from abuse, and proposes a new language and better education regarding 'upscale violence' for the professionals who are likely to see it in their work."
    Publishers Weekly
  • "Written in a voice that is both compassionate and uncompromising, 'Not to People Like Us' is sure to become the definitive work on the topic of upscale domestic abuse."—Marcia Clark
  • "This brave and powerful book marks the coming of age of our understanding of one of the most devastating social problems of our time. Written with rare compassion, this groundbreaking book will help the woman trapped in a corrosive relationship to think clearly and act bravely."—Dr. Judith Sills, author of Excess Baggage and Biting the Apple
  • "'Spouse abuse,' 'battered wife syndrome,' 'domestic violence'--these familiar, featureless phrases roll off our tongues as if they were not really woman-torture, the most brutal treatment men can inflict on their partners, and thus on children. So inconceivable is the idea of violence in our finest households that it's hard even to imagine well-educated, successful men slapping, punching, biting, kicking, scalding, stabbing, and psychologically terrorizing their 'beloved' partners. And because these same men wield the power in our culture, it is no surprise that theirs is the commonest, yet least reported, crime in the nation. In this compelling, groundbreaking book, Dr. Susan Weitzman investigates this hate crime against women 'just like us'-and carefully shows us all the way back to safety and self-esteem."—Dalma Heyn, author of Marriage Shock and The Erotic Silence of the American Wife
  • "This is a book that will change the current thinking on domestic abuse, and begin to equip social workers, psychologists and the courts to deal with this devastating problem more effectively. There is hope behind the poignant and desperate case histories Weitzman presents-this book itself is evidence of it. By ensuring that class concerns no longer obscure our recognition of violence against women, Weitzman has benefited women everywhere."—Sarah Buel
  • "Dr. Weitzman's years of service to diverse populations of abused women shines through in this compelling study. Honest and hard-hitting without sensationalizing, the stories of hidden abuse and the paralyzing fear of victims is gripping, clearly portrayed and poignant. Most important, Dr. Weitzman has identified what it takes to break the cycles of abuse."—Joseph A. Walsh, Ph.D., Dean and Professor, Loyola University Chicago, School of Social Work

On Sale
Aug 16, 2001
Page Count
304 pages
Basic Books

Susan Weitzman

About the Author

Susan Weitzman, Ph.D., is a practicing psychotherapist in Chicago, and regularly serves as an expert witness on upscale domestic violence and its impact. The author of the groundbreaking book Not To People like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages, Dr.Weitzman has been the recipient of numerous awards including NASW’s Illinois Social Worker of the Year. She is Co-Founder/President of The Weitzman Center, dedicated to educating the public and professionals about “upscale abuse.”

Learn more about this author