Hands On

INTRODUCTION

HANDS ON. Those two little words conjure the image of a can-do guy, a delicious composite of Mr. Clean, the Brawny man, and your fantasy knight in shining Armor All. While some people dream of a man who writes poetry and others swoon for the irresistible allure of a hedge fund manager, you’ve always been more the type to imagine—in quiet, solitary, extremely private moments—a man who really looks his best attired in a tool belt.

Just a tool belt.

Can we be frank? There’s no substitute for plain old-fashioned competence. While a star of the silver screen may dazzle with brooding good looks, you just can’t know how sexy he really is until you’ve seen him performing with a cordless drill. The singer-songwriter is so sensitive, but he only knows how to use a six-stringed axe.

That guy whose mad skills in arbitrage won the day may look good in his power suit, but can he rock your circuit box? Need we discuss the untamed animal who wins his mate under a cascade of unimpeded shower flow? It’s all about the plumbing, baby. Your mother may have wanted you to marry a doctor, but what’s most important is a great pair of hands and all the right tools.

This book was lovingly crafted to remind you of all the ways that a hands-on man can make your world a little better, one page at a time. This volume is a feast for your eyes and a balm for your soul; a bit of spit-and-polish for your fantasies. We can’t all have a hands-on guy in our lives, but we can dream, can’t we?

[CHAPTER 1]

HANDS ON

in the

BEDROOM

PROJECT #1:

WELL-HUNG

“Things getting boring in the bedroom? A well-hung mirror will add excitement to your décor, and make everything look bigger. Hang the mirror so it reflects an appealing view. Get a friend to help you find the best position.”

FINDING A STUD

POP QUIZ

A big stud is what you’ll want to find to hang your mirror. How do you find a stud?

[A]   In the parking lot of Home Depot

[B]   By purchasing an expensive gadget, e.g., “stud finder”

[C]   Calling an expert to do it right

STUD: A seducer, a ladies’ man; a male animal that is kept for breeding; upright posts in the framework of a wall. Oh, let’s get serious. There’s only one thing you want upright.

SIZE MATTERS: There are many tools available to do any job. The key is deciding which is the best tool to use. A good rule to follow is: Match the tool size to the job.

THE RIGHT HARDWARE

THE LOWDOWN: