Funny (but true) Golf Anecdotes

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Crouser, Dick.

Golf’s funniest anecdotes / by Dick Crouser.

         p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-88166-577-2 (Meadowbrook)

ISBN 978-1-4516-7076-9 (Simon & Schuster)

1. Golf—Humor. 2. Golf—Anecdotes. I. Title.

GV967 .C74 2001

796.352—dc21

00-051140

Managing Editor: Christine Zuchora-Walske

Copyeditors: Joseph Gredler and Alicia Ester

Proofreaders: Angela Wiechmann and Alicia Ester

Coordinating Editors: Megan McGinnis and Bruce Lansky

Creative Director: Tamara JM Peterson

Production Manager: Paul Woods

Cover Photo: Cameramannz

Illustrations: Jack Johnson

Researchers: Bruce Lansky, and Phil Theibert

© 2001, 2012 by Dick Crouser

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or using any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Published by Meadowbrook Press

6110 Blue Circle Drive, Suite 237, Minnetonka, MN 55343

www.meadowbrookpress.com

BOOK TRADE DISTRIBUTION by

Simon & Schuster, a division of Simon and Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

---

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

The Funniest Thing Feherty Ever Saw

A Man of Few Words?

Scottish Golf Etiquette

Irish Golf Etiquette

Dicky Pride’s Office

Pro-Am Strategy

A Tough Golf Course

An Asterisk in the Record Books

Palmer’s Punch Line

Bubba’s Bid to Get on Ellen’s Show

What Do You Tip a Caddie?

One Long Winning Streak

Ken Venturi in Disguise

Success with a 1-Iron

Kevin Na’s Worst-Hole Record

An Easy Choice

Elaine Johnson’s Awkward Lie

The Clothes Make the Man

Slash and Burn

Tiger Woods Vs. Michael Jordan

What’s the Address?

How Bad Was That Swing?

Lee Trevino’s History Lesson

Putting for Dough

A Stupid Choice

Brent Geiberger’s 59

Phil’s Bad Luck Putt

The Power of Suggestion

A Long Day on the Golf Course

The Only Game Babe Didn’t Play

The Secret of His Longevity

Consistency Off the Tee

Henrik Stenson’s Striptease

Jack Nicklaus, Oenologist

A Cure for Insomnia

Faldo’s Pricey Present

The Power of Positive Thinking

Lily Tomlin on Gravity

Listen to Your Mother

Nothing Left to Learn

Willie Nelson’s Golf Course

The Power of Prayer

Par Golf Isn’t Boring

Steep Green

Hagen’s Confidence

Oh, What A Beautiful Day

Club-Throwing Expertise

When Bob Costas Interviewed Paul Goydos

Jack’s Physics Lesson

Secret Scores

Lightning Won’t Strike Lee Again

Denser than Water

The High Cost of Winning

How Slow Is Sakura Yokomine?

Palmer’s Famous 11

Who Could Forget?

Parnevik’s Peculiar Style

When Crenshaw Met Penick

The Golfing Dentist

Gleason’s Handicap

Mystery Golfer

How Long Are John Daly’s Drives?

The Woman Has a Point

Fewer Purses and Smaller Galleries

Chi Chi’s Take on Tennis

Another Club-Thrower Heard From

Practice Makes Perfect?

Snead’s Dirty Trick

When Cristie Kerr Kissed the Golf Trophy

Maltbie’s Last-Round Comeback

Unlucky in Love

Aaron Baddeley’s Nickname

Talk About Erratic Golfers

Following Orders

No Sympathy for Nicklaus

Crenshaw’s Concentration Problem

The Break-Up

Trevino’s Attention Deficit

Tony Lema, Mind Reader

When Women Were Banned

Changing the Rules on Ernie at the U.S. Open

Sudden Death

Where’s the Drop?

The Comeback Kid

Phil Mickelson’s Rumored Gambling Loss

Hogan’s Putting Advice

No Talent Required

Greg Norman’s Missed Opportunity

Daly’s Mulligan

Snake Situation

Smoking It Out

How Bubba Made the Cut

The American Calls It a Mulligan

Bob Hope Vs. Gerald Ford

When Snead Visited the Vatican

How to Pick a Swing Coach

Jimmy Demaret’s Crystal Ball

Watney’s 11-Stroke Hole

Golfers’ Fitness

More Important Things on His Mind

When Trevino Is On the Road

You’ve Got to Accentuate the Positive

Lyndon Johnson’s Handicap

Choosing Words Carefully

Always the Entertainer

“Mr. Style” Rips Rickie Fowler

Babe’s Psych-Out Tactics

Mutual Admiration Society

Nicklaus’s Reduced Schedule

Cloak and Dagger

He Paid His Own Way

Irish Wit

Long Hitters

Ben Hogan for President

Unofficial Ruling

Chi Chi’s Secret Club

Sam Snead Vs. Ted Williams

Tiger Woods’s Mulligan

Nicklaus’s Wake-Up Call

Ruling Request

The Early Days of Televised Golf

“Billigans”

The Hollywood Drinking Champion

When Rory McIlroy Was Nine

Dapper Doug

Quick Study

The Editor’s Ego

Jim Furyk’s Ugly Swing

Silent for 17 Holes

How Thick Was the Rough, Lee?

Lowered Expectations

Don’t Blame the Rental Clubs

Chi Chi’s Distance Off the Tee

Lee Trevino’s 1-Iron Rule

Which Casper Will You Get?

The “King of Aces”

Word Origin

Paul Harvey Gets His Wish

How Bad Were the Fairways?

O.J. Simpson’s Punishment

Married-Couple Competition

The Ultimate Test

“Rickie Fowler Runs Over His Driver”

Alan Shepard’s Moon Shot

One Way to Win a Bet

A Weather Prediction That’s All Wet

The Whole Truth

Evel Knievel’s Golf Cart Jump

Smoker’s Blues

Supersized Sand Trap

Lee and Chi Chi Go Fishing

Scottish Reserve

Not Everyone Recognizes Arnold Palmer

Stuck in a Bunker

The Best Golf Psychiatrist

Feherty’s Divorce Diet

The Turning Point

Two Sharks

A Typo or the Truth?

Ben Hogan, Golf Course Critic

The Voice from the Porta-potty

Practice Didn’t Make Justin Perfect

If You Putt Too Slowly...

Fashion Imitates Life

Ryder Cup Jitters

Bobby Jones’s Honesty

Sticks and Stones

Murphy’s Metaphors

The Right Caddie for the Job

Hanging Out with Celebrities

When Golfers Retire

Lee Trevino, Window Cleaner

Chi Chi’s Accent

Why They Failed

Keeping Quiet