Monster Fish Frenzy

Begin Reading

Table of Contents

A Preview of Wiley & Grampa #4: Super Soccer Freak Show

Copyright Page

In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author's intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author's rights.

CHAPTER 1

Sounds Fishy to Me

Ladies and Gentlemen, you are about to encounter a species of fish thought to be extinct for 65 million years—Big Bassosaurus Rex. It weighs approximately 6 tons. That's 2,650,003 fish sticks for all you less-educated people out there. If you meet up with this fish, do not make any sudden movements, and whatever you do, never call it cruel names like Blubber Butt or Big Lips Pooperstink! Proceed with extreme caution!

Don't get scared yet! That's not the bloated, bloodshot eye of a monster kid-eating fish!

That's just Paco, Grampa's prize pet goldfish. And that's me, Wiley, filming Grampa and Paco for America's Most Talented Animals.

"Please observe," I said quietly, "as Grampa feeds Paco his favorite cuisine, Pork Cracklins."

Paco's even crazier for Pork Cracklins than Grampa is. In fact, he can detect Cracklins from miles away and he'll do anything for those succulent pork bits.

He can leap through sizzling beer-battered onion rings.

He can play dead.

He even does a mean Elvis!

"I wish you two wouldn't go on about that fish!" complained Gramma.

"You're gonna upset Merle! After all, he's a talented animal, too. Just look at him!"

"You're right, Granny," said Grampa. "But he's no match for this fish. Paco's gonna make us so rich we'll blow our noses on $100 bills! The world will be our oyster!"

"Oyster!" I shouted, interrupting Grampa's loony rambling. "I almost forgot! It's All-You-Can-Eat Fried Oyster & Waffle Night at the Crustacean Plantation! We've only got two hours left!"

CHAPTER 2

Tentacle Lickin' Good

Crustacean Plantation, Gingham County's swankiest seafood restaurant, was filled to the brim with satisfied diners.

We were met at the door by Captain Gerald, the one-handed owner of the restaurant.

"Ahoy there!" said Captain Gerald. "You fine folks sit right down and make yerselves at home while we stuff your bellies with the finest deep-fried marine critters this side of the Gulf of Mexico!"

The food was squidliscious! Gramma and I got started on the oysters and waffles while Grampa had an octopus salad with zesty ranch dressing.

"Hey, that reminds me," I said. "In school today, we learned that a sea cucumber is the only creature that can spit up its internal organs and then grow new ones."

"Wiley!" said Gramma, shocked and sickened. "Not while we're eating!"

"Yeah!" said Grampa, a ranch-drenched tentacle hanging out of his mouth. "What are you trying to do? Gross us out?"

"Can I get ye some more fried oysters and waffles?" asked Captain Gerald.

"Ye sure can," I said, "with extra syrup!"

"Shiver me timbers!" said Captain Gerald. "I haven't seen an appetite like yours since the fish that swallowed me hand!"

I was intrigued. "You mean…"

"Moby Fizz!" gasped everyone in the restaurant at the same time.

"Moby Fizz!" said Crusty O'Hoolihan, local fisherman. "That fish was burped up from the bowels of purgatory! Big as a double-wide trailer and twice as mean!"