Dog Diaries: Dinosaur Disaster

OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY!

You’ve picked up this book in your five-fingery-digits at just the right moment, my person-pal. You must have been practicing really hard to improve your sniff-a-licious senses and your houndy honing skills, huh!?!

If you’ve nosed your way through my DOG DIARIES in the past, HELLO AGAIN! It’s BRILLIANT to see you’re back for more fun!

And if you haven’t, my name’s JUNIOR. JUNIOR CATCH-A-DOGGY-BONE! But we don’t have time for proper introductions and courteous butt-sniffs right now… Oh, don’t worry your human-heart… there’ll be plenty of time for all that snuggly cuddle-umpcious stuff in a little while, but first, I have to tell you about the latest news, my furless friend! It’s something so EXCITING… so unbelievably BARKTASTIC… my tail has been wagging for days. IT WON’T STOP!

Okay… okay… if I’m going to do this and let you know how TERRIFIC my news is, I need to set the scene properly.

First things first. Close your eyes.

Oh no, wait… scratch that… if you close your person-peepers you won’t be able to read my MUTT-MANUAL. Maybe just squint your eyes a little? Yeah, that ought to do it…

Now, this may sound a little crazy, but I want you to play make-believe with me. It’ll be worth it; I cross my houndy-heart!

Let’s cast our minds back into the far distant reaches of the past, my person-pal… just imagine it!

No, further than that!

I think we’ve arrived, my person-pal. We have successfully cast our imaginations all the way back to the very beginning of Hills Village.

Picture this…

We’re in a dark, overgrown forest filled with amazing things to sniff and taste and chew. Everywhere we look there are GIGANTIC prehistoric sticks that make us drool like a Shih Tzu at snack time. Stickiest-sticks like those would take the likes of you and me a whole week to gnaw through, so we can’t get distracted now.

There are strange and spine-jangling noises all around us and the only light is coming from a gap in the bushes up ahead. Let’s sneak over a take a peek…

Now, brace yourself, my furless friend. We’re about to peer through the gap in the undergrowth and what you’re going to see will have you pooping your person-pants with shock and surprise if you’re not prepared.

Are you ready?

Okay, cue the big dramatic music. You know, the type with lots of drums… SUPER BOOMY ONES…

DUM-DA-DA-DUM-DUM-DA-DUUMMM!!!!

Here goes…

AGGGGGHHHHH! Have you ever seen anything so MUTT-NIFICENT in your life?! We’ve arrived in the JAW-RASSIC period!

And we’re in luck, my person-pal. If you want to see more, all you have to do is use your imaginary binoculars. Let’s take a closer look at the beasts of our epic expedition. And don’t worry, they don’t call me “GENIUS JUNIOR: THE EXPLORER-DOG EXTRAORDINAIRE” for nothing, you know?

Well… umm… nobody actually calls me that… but I’m an expert on all these weird and wild dino-roars, I swear!

C’mon, I’ll teach you everything I’ve just made up I know…

Behold! The toothy TERRIER-SAURUS REX. It’s the fiercest predator of chew toys in the valley and is the nastiest nipper too.

Here, you can see the long-necked BRONTO-PAW-RUS. Able to snaffle snacks from even the highest shelves in their pet human’s cave-kennels.

Over by that volcano, you can see the TREAT-CERATOPS. The vacuum cleaner of the Jaw-rassic plains! It can sniff out even the tiniest crumbs of ancient Doggo-Drops or Crunchy-Lumps in the long grass, leaving nothing for the other dino-roars to enjoy.

The skies overhead are filled with loop-the-looping TONGUE-Y-DACTYLS, the lickers of the prehistoric world. No cave-human’s face is safe from a ferocious, waggy-winged licking when these overexcited critters swoop down.

Then… over by the Triassic Trash Cans you can see my favorite of them all. THE RACCOON-O-DON! I tell ya, my person-pal, I could bark my barkiest bark at these sneaky little dino-dumpster-divers until my snout turns blue and my whiskers explode into flames! They’re just so…

HUH?!?! What’s that?

Suddenly, just as we’re enjoying the AMAZING view and thinking about chasing a few raccoon-o-dons, the music gets louder and more drum-tastic and then… DUM-DA-DA-DUMMM… the ground beneath us begins to quake.

Before we know it, the dino-roars scamper in every direction, thundering all around us back to their cave-kennels, as lava explodes from the distant mountains! It’s time to get out of here, my furless friend!

AGH! It looks like I may have got a little overexcited on my DINO-DAYDREAM! We’ll be squished under a dino-paw in seconds if we’re not sizzled into bow-wow buns first!

Quick, Junior! Think us both back to our own time again! Hurry, hurry!

Don’t worry, my person-pal, I can do this. I can fast-forward us to the HILLS VILLAGE of today, filled with tummy rubs, Triple-Cheesy-Nacho-Nosher burgers, and hugs with my best-best-BESTEST pet human, Ruff!

KA-BOOM! We made it! Run and hide someplace safe… anywhere! In the laundry pile! In the Rainy Poop Room and lock the door! Under the bed where you keep your secret stash of midnight snacks!

Phew! Thrilling as that was, my person-pal, I certainly am glad to be back in the warm confines of my sniff-a-licious home. Safe from snarling teeth and deadly dino-claws…

HA HA! What am I saying? I know we were only playing make-believe, really, but there’s a super IM-PAW-TANT reason I wanted to show you all those magnificent mutt-monsters from yester-yap. I’ll explain it all to you, I promise, but just before I do, I simply have to let out a few BARKY-BARKS. I’ve held it together since you opened this book, but I just can’t resist any longer. It feels so good to know you’re reading it, my furless friend!

As I was saying earlier, when you picked up my FABULOUS mutt-manual, if you’ve read any of my Dog Diaries before you’ll know all about the WONDERFUL human family I live with in our cozy kennel. But, if you haven’t, there’s no time like the present to introduce you to my person-pack.

Here they are!!!

Just look at their happy smiling faces… well… all except Jawjaw… but she’s not the person I want you to meet the most.

I can’t wait to introduce my very own pet human! My bedtime buddy! My scratchy, tummy-tickling cuddle companion. The BEST KID in the whole of Hills Village… no, the WORLD… no, THE UNIVERSE!

RUFF!

Even the sound of his name makes my tail go crazy! I mean it, my furless friend! At 4 p.m. when Ruff gets home from school every day, I can’t help planting a zillion licks on his FANTASTIC face (Ha ha! Maybe one of my far-off ancestors was a tongue-y-dactyl?) and performing the Happy Dance!

Okay, Junior, calm down! Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out.

So, there we have it, my furless friend. Now you’ve met Ruff and the Catch-A-Doggy-Bone pack, none of us are strangers and I think you’re ready for me to explain just why I took you on an imaginary journey back to the Jaw-rassic period to investigate the dino-roars of old…

You see… well… umm… I saw one!

Just a few days ago, right here in Hills Village!

Now, wait a second. I know what you’re thinking. You’re getting ready to throw this book out the window, screaming…

And you’d probably be right if it weren’t for one thing… I really did see a dino-roar thundering along the street, and… SO DID RUFF AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF MY BUDDIES AT THE DOG PARK! I wasn’t the only one, so I can’t be making it up, right?

I bet you’re at least a little intrigued now, aren’t you?

I KNEW YOU WOULD BE!

Would you like me to tell you what happened? Ha ha! What a stupid question… of course, you would!

Well, it all started last Sunday…