The Rude and Ridiculous Royals of Classroom 13

CHAPTER 1

The Fun Field Trip

When very unlucky schoolteacher Ms. Linda LaCrosse woke up Monday morning, she hoped it would be another uneventful day. That is, until she remembered what today was.… “It’s field trip day!”

Ms. Linda hopped out of bed and danced around her room, singing. She hit such a high note with her voice that the bedroom window shattered. Four birds flew in and chased Ms. Linda around the room.

Eventually, she managed to lock the birds in her bedroom. Then she ate breakfast in the shower and showered in the kitchen. Afterward, she found it odd that she’d made such a mess.

I did say Ms. Linda was rather unlucky. Yet she remained a happy and hopeful teacher. As she drove to school, she said, “Today, I hope nothing weird happens with my students when we go to the museum.”

Silly Ms. Linda. She should have known that by saying such a thing out loud, she just jinxed herself.

When Ms. Linda got to school, the field trip day was already off to a bad start. First, Sophia tried to sneak the class hamster, Earl, onto the bus. Ms. Linda insisted no animals could go on the field trip.

While the teacher was distracted, Mason snuck his cow, Touchdown, onto the bus. He put Touchdown in a wig and a sweater. Ms. Linda saw her and said, “Oh, you must be Mandy, my new teacher’s assistant. It’s a pleasure to have you.”

Touchdown said, “Moo!”

“Nice to moo you, too,” Ms. Linda replied.

They were going to be late if they didn’t leave soon. But they were waiting on one last student: Santiago. As he finally rolled up to the bus, he was all puffy with bright green spots. He was also inside a big plastic bubble.

“Why are you inside a balloon?” Ms. Linda asked.

“I’m sick,” Santiago sniffled, “but I refuse to miss a field trip just because I caught a nasty stomach-throat-skin virus. Don’t worry, my quarantine bubble will protect everyone while I’m contagious.”

“I think maybe you should go home,” Ms. Linda said.

Santiago refused. “No way. Field trips are the best! I won’t miss it.”

Ms. Linda didn’t want to deny any of her students a chance to learn. So she let him board the bus.

“Is everyone here?” Ms. Linda asked.

Everyone shouted, “Yes!” Which was true. All twenty-seven students were present—including the newest student in Classroom 13. Actually, the new student is Classroom 13. You see, the 13th Classroom was tired of missing out on the wild and zany adventures, and so it (the classroom) became a student. If you’re wondering how, don’t ask me. I don’t understand physics. If you’re wondering if 13 is a he or a she—it is neither. It’s an it.

Don’t look at me like that! I just wrote the book. If Classroom 13 wants to be a he, or a she, or an it, it’s not up to me, it’s up to it!

Anyways…

The bus ride was only a few hours long, and the students were surprisingly quiet. Ms. Linda appreciated how well behaved they were—until she realized why.

Of the twenty-seven present students, all of them were on their phones. One was taking photos, two were reading celebrity news, three were watching movies, and four were playing video games. The remaining seventeen students were texting each other. (They thought it was far more fun to text than to talk, even when seated next to each other.)

“Could everyone please put their phones away?” Ms. Linda asked. All the students groaned. “A field trip is an excellent way to gain firsthand knowledge.”

“Is ‘gain firsthand knowledge’ the same thing as ‘learning’?” Preeya asked.

“Why, yes it is,” Ms. Linda answered.

All the students groaned again—except Olivia. She liked learning.

“Where are we going?” Isabella asked.

“To a museum!” Ms. Linda said. “We’re going to learn about castles and catapults and maidens and knights and kings and queens.”

“I’m bored already,” Zoey said. “Can we go do something fun instead?”

“This will be fun,” Ms. Linda said. “We’ll get to see old paintings and sculptures and chandeliers and rugs—”

“Snores-ville!” Liam said.

“We’ll also get to see how laws were made in the past,” Ms. Linda added. “You see, in the old days, it was up to the kings and queens to make laws with the help of their courts. Some of those laws laid the groundwork for laws that we use today.”

“Laws are dumb,” William said.

“Yeah,” most of the kids agreed.

“If we were the kings and queens, we’d make things so much better!” said Isabella.

“Yeah!” all the kids shouted.

Ms. Linda thought this might be what teachers call a “teachable moment”—which means an event that presents a chance for learning. So she said, “Then please tell me—if you could be a king or a queen for the day—what laws would you make?”

“If?” 13 laughed. “There’s no need to say if—not when I can make it really happen.”

The new student with a cube for a head stood up and snapped its fingers. There was a big burst of magical light…