Everything Is Just Fine

Dear Parents and athletes:

Hi from Coach Randy! I hope you all enjoyed your last free Saturday before the season begins next week. For those of you who missed the “meet and greet” last Sunday, you didn’t miss a thing. I’m joking, seriously you missed a lot. First off, you’ll have to get your uniform from Jacqui, our Team Mom who worked side by side with me last year. She always wears a visor and is only about 4’11”. I hope that doesn’t offend you Jacqui! Kidding, I know her and she won’t mind!! Anyway, you can’t miss her, she also carries a huge bag. That’s where she’ll have the uniforms and stuff you never even knew you needed!

It looks like we have a mixed group of talent and experience this season (some total beginners up to a superstar or two), which is what the Beverly Hills Jr. Soccer league is all about. Remember everyone plays—absolutely everyone, even if you don’t like it and it’s your just your mom or dad who signed you up! This will be my third year coaching and experience tells me that it’s the most reluctant players who get the most out of it in the end. Just ask my own kid, he can’t wait to get on the field now.

OK, let’s do this!

If you missed the “meet and greet” you might not know that we need a team name that starts with the letter ‘M’. I was hoping not to get ‘M’ because kids always want to start the team name with the word “Magic”… something, Like Magic Ninjas, and, if you know me, you know I don’t believe in magic, just hard work, passing, playing your position, and listening to me, your assistant coach (still finding one), and our private skills coach, Al (or Alejandro, as he also likes to be called)recruited and paid for by some of the dads to keep us sharp.

I don’t want to go on too much here, and seriously would not have to if a whole third of you hadn’t missed the “meet and greet”.

Oh, and, for those of you who were on my team last year, notice that I’m not using my work e-mail anymore. You guys were cramming my inbox last season and, frankly, I shouldn’t be doing team stuff at work anymore, right?

OK. This Saturday, 9:30 sharp, and be ready to play at 10:00.

Hello team parents: If I had known the Meet and Greet was optional and not mandatory (like the invite said) I would have gone to my older son’s academic pentathlon final. As it was, his team came in first and I missed it.

Hey team and parents,

I’m Jacqui, the Team Mom. My son is Calvin and this is his second year playing so go easy on him. I’m only kidding. He’s pretty good. You all are. You ALL are superstars!

By now you got Coach Randy’s welcome e-mail. I’m sorry I didn’t meet all of you at the “meet and greet”, but that’s OK, because we all have other stuff going on and I understand that. Speaking of which, please choose a day for snack sign up that works FOR YOU. Other Team Moms just sign people up without asking, but I like you to pick your own day so you don’t feel stressed. Beverly Hills Jr. Soccer is all about fun. The first six games aren’t even competitive, so you can really relax and not worry about your kid crying or hitting players on the other team out of some pretty understandable frustration.

I will have extra health forms in my bag. Diane and Mark, I need new health forms for your kids even though they played on our team last year. Also, for those of you who are new, I have extra sunscreen, water bottles, sanitizer, and a small first aid kit in my bag. Randy says that the kit isn’t that small, but he doesn’t realize how much stuff the other Team Mom’s carry. Seriously, I’m relaxed in comparison. You’ll get to know that!

Remember that we’re still looking for an assistant coach. So any of you Dads who have been dreaming of being a part of this season, I’m talking to you! It could even be a mom, or someone between jobs, or a manny, or even a sibling who’s not going to college right now and is looking for something to do. Now’s the time to get involved. It’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done.

Hello boys,

I look forward to working on your soccer skills.

Hello Team M:

Seriously, Alejandro is being modest. He’s not just working on your skills—he’s the real deal and played professionally in Columbia before coming to our country to study Forensic Dentistry!

He’s going to be a great asset to the team and the league—and to my son, Calvin, who looks up to you already, Alejandro! The boys loved wrestling you to the ground at the Meet and Greet. You are SO GREAT WITH KIDS!!! Calvin can’t wait to ambush you again.

See you out there, Alejandro!

Gentle reminder: don’t forget health forms and shoelace guards.

I’m sending a quick note about choosing your number. If you are picking up your uniform at the game, you do not get to choose. Choosing happened at the “meet and greet”. Now you get what you get, and that’s it. Like my wife, Missy, says, “Soccer is a life lesson for our kids. We win or we lose, and we don’t get everything we want, when we want it.” I could give you a list of things that I want and don’t get, and I’m still a happy guy!

By the way, Missy said to tell those of you who don’t know that I am Aiden’s dad. He made all-star last year and is an asset to the team.

Another ‘by the way’: I like to write my e-mails to parents and kids as if you are all the team, because really you all are—we can’t do it without the parents! It’s your choice about what e-mails you share with your kids or not!

What numbers are left? Ben couldn’t make it because it was his mother’s weekend and she forgot. He shouldn’t be penalized.

Are we playing on the north field or the south? Please be clear this year.

That’s a good point about the fields, Mark. Coach and I will try to tell you which field, WHEN we know which one it is. We don’t always KNOW ahead of time. So it’s good to get there early anyway. This Saturday will be North.

The numbers that are left are 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, 13. The Woo’s already contacted me about getting the number 7 for luck. Which is easy enough. Mark, do you want 10 like last year? Ben did pretty well with 10.

We’re still looking for that special dad (or Mom or older sibling who’s looking for something meaningful to do) who wants to be assistant coach. You don’t even have to go to the clinic. Coach Randy will get you up to speed.

Go Team M!

Patrick would not be at the “meet and greet” for his violin concert. He can be early and will bring health forms. Also his idea for ‘M’ title.

Coach Randy, here. I’m at work and don’t have time to get into a big thing. I shouldn’t even be on my personal e-mail, but I’m just writing to say, that’s enough! No more numbers will be reserved.

Jacqui,

#10 is good for Ben.

Thanks for hanging onto it. Ben’s mom will be coming early to pick up the uniform.

Hi, I’m Dashiell’s mom. Did I miss something? I thought that we weren’t allowed to reserve a number if we hadn’t gone to the Meet and Greet. My apologies for not making it. My schedule changes all the time and I didn’t want to send the Nanny because it was specifically about meeting and greeting!

Since it appears that people are going ahead and choosing numbers, may I request 5 for Dashiell because it’s a prime number. He loves primes.

Well, hell. What was the point of going to the Meet and Greet if everyone gets to choose their numbers anyway?

Joking. I’m joking.

Hey M Team!!!

OK, I guess that number thing got handled. Whatever, I can bend. Sometimes you can’t control everything. Jacqui, did you get all that about the numbers?

It’s a good thing I don’t have to handle the small stuff because I’m totally a big picture guy. I’m the guy with the vision that gets implemented. I mean, seriously, you should see my sundeck. It was just a dusty heap of nothing when we bought our place seven years ago, and now you can’t get people off of that deck. It’s like you’re on perpetual vacation out there, and it was totally my vision. Of course, hats off to my lovely other half, Missy, who drew up the design and had the idea for the stone fireplace in the middle. We went totally over budget, but when you are thinking about the rest of your life in front of that fireplace, you know you have to have it and you make it happen.

So the deck is like the team, and I’ve got a big-picture plan of how it’s going to look, but I need a Missy, or in this case, a Jacqui to actually implement it!

So, this is my big picture for tomorrow: We will get there early, get uniforms, pick our ‘M’ name, and get our heads in the right mindset to dominate.

Then Al will take us through drills, and if you want to pitch in for Al’s fee, see Jacqui. It’s totally worth it. We had a Brazilian semi-pro helping us last year and made it to the tournament. We would have had Paco again this year if Dan Majors hadn’t swiped him. As luck or fate, or whatever-you-call-it would have it, we’ll be playing Dan’s team for our second game this season. So that’s one you might want to focus your voodoo energies on. Just kidding!

When your kid gets up tomorrow morning, I would like you to read the following poem that was read by Morgan Freeman in the movie about the South African Soccer team who took a mediocre group and won the world championship. Words inspire!!!!

“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.”

—I could not say it better myself. Go Team!!! Remember! There is more to winning than plain luck.

North field. Still. Right?