For sixteen-year-old Mel Hannigan, bipolar disorder makes life unpredictable. Her latest struggle is balancing her growing feelings in a new relationship with her instinct to conceal her diagnosis by keeping everyone at arm's length. But when a former friend confronts Mel with the truth about the way their relationship ended, deeply buried secrets threaten to come out and upend her shaky equilibrium.
As the walls of Mel's compartmentalized world crumble, she fears the worst--that no one will accept her if they discover what she's been hiding. But would her friends really abandon her if they learned the truth? More importantly, can Mel bring herself to risk everything to find out?
"The portrayal of Mel's bipolar disorder is nuanced and reads true to life. Her fear of rejection will be familiar to teenagers, whether they're acquainted with mental illness or not, making it an important gateway to self-acceptance and understanding of others. An intimate and affecting portrait of mental illness helmed by an achingly real protagonist."
"Lindstrom (Not If I See You First) deftly addresses life with bipolar disorder, as well as the internalized shame often felt by individuals with mental illness. Emotions run high as Lindstrom's story confronts mental illness, grief, and shame, but the optimistic resolution provides balance."
Eric Lindstrom is a BAFTA and WGA-nominated veteran of the interactive entertainment industry. Not If I See You First is his debut novel.