Reading Group Guide

1. When Pam was in her twenties and thirties, she believed she could be content “if only….” What was holding Pam back and what are some of the “if only’s” that hold you back?

2. After Jantsen’s death, Pam begins to explore different cultural beliefs surrounding death and to question American Christian traditions she had previously taken for granted. With what does Pam take issue and why? Do you agree with her? Why or why not?

3. One way Pam deals with her anger and grief after Jantsen’s death is by “screaming” at God. Pam is a religious person, but she admits that before Jantsen’s death she “hadn’t the faintest idea of who God was.” What does she mean and how does Pam’s relationship with God and religion change over the course of the book?

4. When Pam discovers she is seated next to Mia Lang on the plane to Vietnam, she remembers a quote she once read: “A coincidence is a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous.” Do you agree that Pam’s seat on the airplane is a “small miracle”? Have you ever had a similar experience to Pam, where a seemingly insignificant coincidence changed the course of your life?

5. How did Pam’s marriage to Randy change after Jantsen’s death? And how did his death affect Pam’s relationship with her adopted daughter Christa? Why do you think tragedy strengthens some relationships, and tests others?

6. Toward the middle of the book, Pam is ambivalent about going on a trip to Cambodia because she doesn’t want to be a “horrible, neglectful mother” to Van. However, she ultimately concluded that “being a good mom meant showing my children that the world was bigger than our family.” Do you think Pam made the right decision? What do you think it means to be a good mother?

7. When Pam first begins fundraising for Touch A Life, people ask her why she chooses to help children in other countries before helping American children. How does Pam answer this question? Do you agree with her reasoning?

8. While trying to obtain Tuan’s medical visa, Pam jokes that she has become the “crazy lady from Missouri.” Time and again, Pam refuses to give up on her goals, even when the situation appears hopeless. How much of Pam’s success can be attributed to her persistence alone? Can persistence help us achieve anything we set our minds to, or is it only part of the equation?

9. Toward the end of the book, Pam quotes John Ruskin: “Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.” Pam finds much truth in this statement. Why? Do you agree that material possessions can often be a burden?

10. When Pam first reads about Mark Kwadwo in the New York Times, she feels compelled to help him immediately. Why does Mark’s story move Pam to act? Have you ever felt a similar urge? How did you respond?

11. Pam’s work on Lake Volta is very difficult and, at times, disheartening. At one point, Bright, the boat captain, says to Pam: “Look at these boys. What is their future? What is the answer?” How does Pam respond to Bright’s questions and how does Pam overcome the despair she feels while on the lake? Do you typically give up or fight harder when facing problems that seem insurmountable?

12. Pam writes, “I never thought that Jantsen’s death would lead me to grace, and it is my hope that nobody ever has to go through what I went through to get there.” Do you think people must experience tragedy or loss before they are truly willing to examine their lives or take drastic steps to change their lives?

13. At the end of the book, Pam muses, “Maybe the answer to grief, or to feeling lost is to give recklessly and passionately.” What does Pam mean? Do you agree that giving may be the best way to overcome grief or loss?