Article: Writing a book is always...

Writing a book is always a process, but If Not Now When? was more intense than previous projects. This book was the result of my own midlife crisis. I had been halfway through another project when my mother died suddenly and I lost interest. After a period of incubation, prayer and no small amount of hair pulling the idea for this book emerged. As I had in the past I made a detailed chapter by chapter outline. Yet unlike my earlier books, this one had a life of its own.

As I began to write the structure changed radically. Since I'm in the midst of my own midlife transition subjects that I'd never intended to address demanded inclusion while other's were dropped. This was in part due to my own experience, but also was the result of interviews I did with women from across the country. As I tackled new subjects I would go back and do follow–up interviews to either deepen the material or to gather new information. The generosity of these women continually astounded and inspired me. In fact, there would be no book without them.

As in any creative project there were times of sheer ecstasy and others when I felt overwhelmed. The middle chapters of this book were especially difficult for me, in part because I was dealing with some of the very issues about which I was writing. The process of creating this book changed me, maybe that's true of every book, but somehow it was more obvious with this one.

Despite the periods of struggle and self–doubt, If Not Now, When? is a book I never wanted to end. I loved working on it, even the hard parts. (I'm not sure I would've said that at the time, but...) This book was my passion, my obsession. I would think about it at the gym, I took notes when I would awaken in the middle of the night, opening sentences for chapters would come to me while hiking in the arroyos. It was always with me. So much so that when it was finished I went through a mini post–partum depression.

My baby had been born and there was a gaping hole where it had been. It took me a couple of weeks to begin to enjoy the space and freedom the completion of this project afforded. Will I write another book? Probably. But when I'm not writing it seems like an impossible task. Yet not unlike giving birth to a child, the pain of labor fades with time and I will again long for the experience of being in that altered state.

Copyright © Stephanie Marston