Article: I knew I'd turned a...

I knew I'd turned a corner the day a woman stopped me on the street to ask directions to the Bergdorf-Goodman Men's Store. I had only lived in New York City for a few months, much of which I'd spent asking strangers which way was downtown or how to find the Whitney. Now someone had taken me for a local! It was thrilling. Yet I had no idea how to get to the Bergdorf-Goodman Men's Store. I pointed out a woman farther up the sidewalk. "Ask her," I said. "She'll know."

At the time I wondered how I'd been able to tell the third woman was a New Yorker. Now I know not just when somebody is from here, but when somebody isn't.

Now, there's nothing even remotely wrong with being a newcomer or a visitor. But if you're like me, you hate that the natives can tell, just by looking, that you have no idea what you're doing. As a tribute to the heroine of It's About Your Husband, who is as much an outsider to the city as I was, here's how New Yorkers detect that you're not one of them:

The outfit. New Yorkers do sometimes wear sweatpants. But not matching tracksuits, not even from Juicy Couture. And you've made it far too easy on us if you've paired the tracksuit with snow-white sneakers and a knockoff designer handbag. (How we are able to spot a faux Louis Vuitton at the front of the M86 bus from all the way at the back of the M86 bus is an essay for another time.)

The accoutrements: For some reason, tourists are either more pierced and tattooed than locals (except in the East Village, where the ratio reverses) or more coiffed and made-up.

The entourage. New Yorkers tend to travel solo during the day, especially on weekdays during rush hour. If you're on the subway at 9 a.m., not in business clothes and with more than one other person, you're a visitor. That's doubly true if the train in question happens to stop at Times Square.

The behavior. If, while on the subway, you're talking to the people you're with, as opposed to staring bleakly into space, you're not from these parts. If the conversation is about the subway, gotcha!

Not to worry. Almost every New Yorker is really from somewhere else and once made every one of these rookie mistakes. And though we all seem surly and judgmental, we're friendly. Go ahead. Ask us something. Ask if this train stops at Rockefeller Center. (It doesn't; transfer to the B or the D at Columbus Circle.) Ask whether Fifth Avenue is this way or that way. (That way; two more blocks.) Ask, How do you get to Carnegie Hall? (Practice.)

One more thing. Don't forget to take the little metal admission tag off your collar before you leave the Metropolitan Museum of Art. There's no bigger giveaway.

Unless, of course, you're wearing it on your tracksuit.

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