David Rosenfelt Interviews His Character, Andy Carpenter

David Rosenfelt: I'm talking with defense attorney Andy Carpenter, main character in seven of my novels. Andy, can you tell me a little about your new book, New Tricks?

Andy Carpenter: I should tell you about it? You wrote it.

DR: I realize that, but I'd like our readers to be familiar with it.

AC: So tell them to buy it.

DR: You seem a little out of sorts. Is something bothering you?

AC: I agreed that you can write about my cases, but I didn't say anything about doing publicity. This interviewing stuff is not in my contract. Besides, I'm a lawyer; I like to ask questions, not answer them.

DR: Would you rather be asking me the questions?

AC: Anything would be better than this. You ready?

DR: Sure.

AC: OK. Since you created me, why did you have to make me so short?

DR: I've never actually said how tall you are, but I always thought about five foot ten.

AC: Can I dunk a basketball?

DR: Not even if you stood on a chair.

AC: So you made me short, a physical coward, unsure around women, argumentative, and generally lazy. And you wonder why I don't want to sit here and chat with you?

DR: I also made you smart and funny, and I gave you Tara, the greatest dog in the history of the world.

AC: That's the one thing we agree on. How about letting me get Tara some friends?

DR: She has Waggy, the Bernese Mountain Dog in New Tricks.

AC: I knew you'd work that in. I'm talking about getting a whole bunch of dogs.

DR: How many?

AC: How many do you have? In real life...

DR: Twenty seven, mostly golden retrievers. We rescue them.

AC: Twenty seven? You're a total nutcase, and I've gotta tell you, I'm not sure I'm comfortable having a nutcase for a creator.

DR: Keep complaining and I'll shrink you to five foot six.

AC: You could do that?

DR: Piece of cake.